His Hazel Eyes: A Kurt and Blaine Story
by jadeannkneeky
Summary: "Kurt." I heard his pleading voice and felt his soft hand on my shoulder. I spun around and came face to face with his hazel eyes.    Future Klaine.
1. Chapter 1: Someday

**AN:** Hello there dear reader,

Firstly can I say thank you for clicking on this fanfiction. I am well aware that there as thousands of Klaine stories on here, so I am so grateful you have chosen mine to read.

This is a Future!Klaine story. It follows cannon slightly but is AU. There is Kurt and OC to begin with but I won't spoil everything for you guys.

I am hoping that this fanfic will be 15 Chapters long, but we'll see how it goes.

This is my first fanfiction. I do write CrissColfer drabbles as well, but this is kind of the longest thing I have ever written.

I hope you enjoy, see you at the end.

Love to you all,

Jadeannkneeky

* * *

><p>His Hazel Eyes: A Kurt and Blaine Story<p>

Prologue: 2016 NYU graduation party.

"Blaine..." I gasped shutting my eyes wishing the image would be gone from my mind. Closing the door behind me I hesitated, half of me wanting to go back inside the other half wanting to run without stopping and never look back. I felt silent tears run down my face. I breathed in and walked down the stairs taking two steps at a time; I heard his footsteps running down behind me. No one was around; they were all enjoying the party. It seemed like a different world to me. There was nothing to celebrate now.  
>"Kurt." I heard his pleading voice and felt his soft hand on my shoulder. I spun and came face to face with his hazel eyes.<p>

"Please let me explain." he begged. I winced away from his touch and stared into the face of the man I loved.  
>"Blaine." I found myself saying. I closed my eyes wishing it would all go away, but all I kept seeing was the image of him and….I couldn't even think about it without feeling faint. I opened my eyes and looked into his. Tears were building there and he reached out to touch my cheek. His hand was soft and warm against my cheek. I leaned into it slightly out of habit before taking 2 steps away from him.<p>

"Goodbye Blaine," I whispered and carried on down the stairs. It was over; my heart was broken.

**Chapter 1: Someday…**

"Kurt Hummel…Will you Marry me?" I stared at him. I looked into his Green eyes and knew my answer straight away.

"Yes!" He jumped up from the floor and picked me up around the waist spinning me around with him. Our lips met and we kissed passionately as our family and friends clapped and cheered around us. I broke the kiss and he put me back on the ground bringing our foreheads together.

"Best birthday ever," I whispered. It was the truth, Avan had organised a surprise party for my 26th Birthday. All of our family and friends were here and now we were going to get married. We smiled and I could see tears rising in his eyes. I reached up and kissed his eyes before kissing him softly on the lips again. He took my hand and slid a simple ring onto my finger and kissed it. I thought I was going to explode with happiness. I heard the tinkling of glasses and we looked over to my dad. He was standing up; Carole sitting by his side hand slipped her hand into his. I looked at my dad's face he was beaming, tears in his eyes. He wiped them away with this free hand and started to make his speech.  
>"Kurt I love you so much and am so happy for you. You have had so much crap over the years and I'm so happy that you found this amazing person who loves you and would do anything for you. I always thought you deserved the best Kurt but you got better than the best, you got Avan. To the engaged couple Kurt and Avan," My dad said raising his glass everyone followed and said our names. I looked around the room and caught Rachel and Mercedes eyes; both had tears in their eyes. They rushed over to us embracing me and Avan in huge hugs. People were coming over to congratulate Avan and I; I was so overwhelmed with it all. Finn gave me a huge hug and looked as though he was going cry.<p>

"Kurt, I'm so happy for you." He said simply. He pulled me into another hug.

"Daddy, move over I want to give Uncle Kurtie a hug." We both look down and saw my beautiful niece pulling at Finn's trousers. He picked her up and she reached her arms out to me.

"Uncle Kurtie, You are going to have to wear a dress." Anna exclaimed wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. Both Fin and I laughed.

"How about I wear a nice suit and you wear a beautiful dress instead?" She giggled and kissed my cheek.

"You mean it uncle Kurtie?" I nodded and she squealed with excitement. "Uncle Avan, I get to wear a pretty dress at your wedding." She said turning her attention to Avan. He took her out of my arms and spun her around.

"Wow, you are going to look so beautiful," He said to her. I smiled at my fiancé's ease with children; I hoped that we could have our own some day.

"Anna, Come on now hunny. Auntie Mercedes wants to dance with you." Rachel's voice said from behind us. We all turned around and watched Anna run as fast as she could to her mother.

"Mommy, Mommy. Uncle Kurtie said I can wear a dress at his wedding, a pretty dress." She said excitedly.

"Avan can I have a word?" Finn said drawing our attention back to him.

"Sure," Avan kissed my forehead and followed Finn to the other side of the room.

I knew that Finn was probably doing his big brother bit and I rolled my eyes turning back to our guests.

The evening went on amazingly. After Avan and I had received congratulations from everyone in the room, people started to walk around the room. There was light music being played in the background and the dance floor was slowly filling up.

I could see Finn, Rachel and Anna talking to Mercedes, her husband Nick and their 4 year old twin boys Daniel and Darren at one of the tables. I watched them as Puck and Quinn, Mike and Tina, Artie and his wife Joan, Lauren and her boyfriend Rupert, Britney and Santana. I watched them taking to each other, laughing at the children and enjoying each others company. I smiled; I was glad that we had remained close friends after all of these years.

Seeing them all together reminded me of how far I had come in the past 10 years. I couldn't believe my luck; everything was going right in my life. I was becoming a successful designer and living in New York City. I had an amazing family and amazing friends who supported me with so many things and now I was getting married to my boyfriend of 3 years. I caught Avan's eye from across the room and he came over to me.  
>"Second surprise of the night," He said wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I groaned.<p>

"You and your surprises! You know I like to know what's going on and here you are throwing things at me left right and centre. I don't think my heart can take anymore." I said dramatically. He smiled and rolled his eyes.

"You love it really," He kissed my cheek and didn't wait for a response. "I know you prefer live music to recorded music so I hired a band," He told me grinning. I smiled up at him.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" I asked him.

"You might have mentioned it before" I leaned up to kiss him deeply. "How about I show you how much I love you later on?" he asked me slyly. I smiled and kissed his jaw line.

"Why don't you show me right here right now?" I teased breathing on his neck.

"As pleasing as that sounds," He said trying to pull me from his neck. "Your dad and your brother might not enjoy watching" I smiled and looked over to my dad and Finn who were both watching us with hard expressions. I waved at them both and they drew their attention away from us. I laughed and Avan sat by me taking my hand in his playing with my ring.

"So what's this band like?" I asked him breaking our silence. He looked up at me, excitement in his eyes.

"They are so good; you're going to love them. The lead singer has an amazing voice; seriously if I didn't already have an amazing sexy talented fiancé I would seriously marry his voice." I laughed. "That's them now" Avan said pointing at the door as four guys in their mid twenties walked in carrying heavy equipment. We both watched as they moved over to the stage and began setting up their things. "If you like them we should hire them for our wedding." He said. I brought my attention back to him and he smiled slyly.

"We will argue that one later when I have come down from this high," I teased. "I'm going to go and speak to the New Directions for a bit, we haven't been together like this for ages," I said standing up and kissing him on the head. I walked away from him and walked towards my friends.

"Uncle Kurt, Anna said that she gets to wear a pretty dress at your wedding. She said that you would let me wear one to, Tell her that boys don't wear dresses Uncle Kurt," Darren said jumping on my lap as I sat down. I smiled as I saw his serious expression.

"You don't have to wear a dress, unless you want to of course." I said to the 4 year old. He laughed and turned to Anna.

"Told you so Anna," He said sticking his tongue out at her. She frowned and crossed her arms in a very Rachel like manner.

"Darren, don't stick your tongue out at people," Mercedes said to her child. He stopped and said sorry quietly. "Good boy, now go and dance with your Dad and brother for a bit." She said. He jumped off my lap and raced over to the dance floor.

"Do you have any ideas for your wedding yet Kurt?" Quinn asked me.

"He's only just got engaged Quinn, give him a chance," Puck said to his wife.

"Do you know me at all Puckerman?" I asked the former Jock. Everyone laughed, "Of course I have some ideas, going to need all of your girlies help though," I said to the group.

"I can't wait; knowing you Kurt this is going to be one of the best weddings ever." Tina said.

It was about an hour later the lights had dimmed and the band we getting ready to play, when Avan took to the stage and went to the mic.

"Ladies and gentlemen put your hands together for Dalton." Everyone cheered and clapped and I smiled and walked over to Avan. He wrapped his arms around my waist as the music began to play. I pulled his head down for another kiss and heard the music start.

_"You think I'm pretty without any makeup on…"_

I felt my heart stop. I pulled out of our embrace and looked at the stage; he lifted his head and shook his dark curls out of his eyes he started to sing, his Hazel eyes burned into mine. I saw him and felt my heart break again. I knew it was going too well. Blaine Anderson was singing to me again, the same song that made me fall in love with him the first time.

**Blaine POV:**

"Blaine! Dude," I stopped strumming my guitar. I turned around and came face to face with my best friend Alex. He was bursting with excitement and obviously wanted to tell me some good news. We had been friends ever since we started work at a top law firm in New York City. We had started the same day and hit it off almost immediately. This was 4 years ago and since then we had became roommates and were as close as brothers.

About 2 years ago he had the idea of forming a band and asked me to help him start it and I agreed. Since then we had been known as Dalton named after my high school. We did the band thing as more of a hobby but people seemed to like us and we were getting more and more popular every month and today, apparently, was no different.  
>"Dude, I just got off the phone with a client. They want us to play at a Surprise Birthday Party Engagement party on the 27th." Alex said beaming.  
>"Sounds good but why are you so happy about it?" I asked putting my guitar on the floor and looking at him.<br>"I didn't tell you who the client is." He teased. I raised my eyebrows.

"Just tell me." I moaned; I wasn't in any mood to play games today. It had been 4 years since I spilt with Kurt and like every other year it hurt just as much. I remembered that night so vividly. Alex sighed.

"Come on Anderson, I know you had your heart broken like years ago but the past is past, seriously you need to get over him. How many boyfriends have you had since that one now?"  
>"Too many," I said sadly knowing where this conversation was heading, we had been here so many times.<p>

"And why did every single one of them break up with you?" Alex asked sitting back in the chair and putting his feet on the coffee table.

"They all said they thought they weren't seeing all of me, like I was holding part of myself back." I replied rolling my eyes.

"Exactly, now do you want to know who we are playing for?" he asked.  
>"Go on then!" Thankful for the change of topic.<br>"Do you know the lead singer of the very popular band Lock and Key?" He asked me. Even I was taken back by this.  
>"Yes, they are so good. I have some of their songs on my iPod; his name is Avan Lovett right?" I replied.<br>"The very same."  
>"I didn't even know he had a girlfriend." I said leaning back in my chair.<br>"Dude he doesn't?" Alex raised his eyebrows at me.  
>"You mean...?" I stuttered.<br>"Yep as gay, as well you..." He said grinning as threw him a dirty look.  
>"He kept that one quiet."<br>"That's what I said." Alex said in a small voice.

"You spoke to him about his sexuality." I said raising an eyebrow.

"Kind of," He started. "I put my foot in it by asking him his girlfriend's name and he said he would if he had one and I was like oh I never knew you were gay and he said Problem? And I was like dude chill my best mate is gay so I'm totally okay with you guys and he was like good because apparently his boyfriend has had some real bad cases of homophobia in the past. It was a long conversation, come on I wasn't really going to pass on the opportunity to speak to Avan Lovett on the phone?" I shook my head in disbelief at his boldness.  
>"So where is it?" I asked picking up my guitar again.<br>"Some hotel on 4th, he said he'll email us the details." I nodded in acknowledgement.  
>"What's his partner called by the way?" I asked as Alex walked away.<br>"Erm...Hold on I wrote it down." he pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket. "Some fashion designer called Kurt Hummel." He shrugged and walked out of the room. I froze, my hand being inches away from playing a chord. My heart was beating so fast. It was my Kurt Hummel. The man whose heart I broke. The first man and last man I ever loved. The man who loved another; my heart stopped beating. He wasn't my Kurt any more.

**Kurt's PVO:**

_"You think I'm pretty without any makeup on..."_ I couldn't look away. My heart was pounding in my ears, my whole body tensed and my palms started to sweat. I felt like I was going to throw up. Avan's arms were still wrapped loosely around my middle so I was stuck. I looked away from the stage to look at my family and friends. They all knew Blaine, knew what he did to me, knew what he looked like, yet none of them had realised that it was him on the stage. I couldn't breathe; I needed air. Calming myself down so that Avan didn't think there was anything going wrong, I looked up at him.  
>"Hun, I just going outside to get some air," I smiled at him reassuringly. He kissed me on the temple and let go.<br>"You alright? Do you want me to come with you?" he asked. I shook my head slowly.  
>"No you enjoy the…the music." I said stumbling over my words. His smiled broadened.<br>"I knew you'd like them," He said kissing me on the lips. I couldn't say anything. I let a fake smile fall across my face before leaving him and walking through the tables to the other side of the room. I tried to ignore the song and didn't look at the stage at all instead looking at the ground until I reached the door. I felt his gaze on me the whole time and sure enough when I turned around before leaving his Hazel eyes found mine. He looked into my soul the way he had so many times before. I looked away quickly and pushed the doors open walking away from him; like _I_had done so many times before.

**Blaine POV:**

I sat on the couch still letting the information sink in. Alex had gone back into the kitchen to make some food, muttering under his breath about how excited he was. I just sat there speechless.  
>"Wait until the others hear about this." He called out to me. I groaned to myself, the others would be just as excited as Alex was about this gig.<p>

Along with myself and Alex there were three other members of our band: Mason, Rob and Danny. I had known Mason since high school; he had been in the Warblers with me. When we both moved to the University of NYU we had become really close and had stayed good friends ever since. He loved the idea of becoming a band and put near enough all his efforts into us becoming famous. Rob was Alex's younger brother and only joined because we couldn't find anyone else. While he got on with everyone really well, he was always the one that caused the most arguments, normally between himself and Alex. Danny was the newest member. He was Rob's best friend and had heard us play at one of our gigs and was interested in joining. We agreed and the rest was history.  
>They all liked Lock and Key as much as I did, I mean Mason was a huge fan; he had met them a few times and had seen them in concert. He also wouldn't want to pass at this chance, claiming it would be our big break.<p>

I knew that the only way I could get out of this gig is if I told Alex we couldn't do it. If I could persuade Alex from declining the offer then the others would never find out about it.

"Shall we call the guys and go out for a celebratory drink? Rob and Mason can bring Sarah and Kim, I'll phone Steph see if she wants to come." Alex called from the kitchen, taking to himself more so than me. _Now or Never,_ I thought to myself. Taking a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen.

"Listen," I started. Alex looked up from his phone, obviously about to call the others. "About this gig…" He frowned, his eyebrows coming together.

"Don't start Blaine." He said silencing me with his harsh tone. "You always complain about the gigs we do and yet it was you who said we should make this band"

"But-

"No buts. We are doing this gig. I don't care how much you complain about it, there are 4 other people in this band besides you," He said walking around me.

"Alex, please hear me out." I begged as I followed him into the living room.

"Blaine, stop! We are doing this gig, end of!" His voice was rising now. "You are the only one out of all of us who doesn't put 110% into this band and frankly I've had enough of it." He stood up straighter and his hands were failing all over the place empathising his words. I gapped at him.

"What are you trying to say?" I said, forgetting all about Kurt. I was suddenly aware of the elephant in the room.

"What do you think I'm trying to say?" Alex said quietly avoiding my eyes. I took a deep breath.

"You don't want me in the band anymore," Silence followed as Alex tried to put his words together.

"Blaine, you're so talented, but you've been so distant lately. All of the guys have agreed and we think it's best that you take a break from the band for a while." He said slowly; he looked at me sadly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Blaine…"He took a step forward to me. I backed away.

"You're kicking me out of the band," I said calmly.

"Not out right…"

"But you are going to replace me?" I yelled. He didn't answer; I shook my head in disbelief. "I am sorry that my mind has not been in it lately, I'm sorry that my father died last year and I am so sorry that the only reason I didn't want to do this stupid gig is because it happens to be the engagement party of the man I still love." I yelled at him. He looked at me in astonishment. I wiped an angry tear from my eye.

"Blaine…"

"Don't." I whispered. "Just don't." I looked at his expression; anger was replaced with pity and sorrow. I couldn't bring myself to hear what he had to say. Silently I backed away from the argument and walked into my room, slamming the door shut. I looked around my room and picked up the lamp off my desk, throwing it against the far wall. The bulb smashed and the room went dark. I had never felt so alone, I had managed to push away the only people who actually cared about me. Tears fell from my eyes again and I leaned against the door letting the pain wash over me. What had I done?

**Kurt POV**

I reached the street and the cold air hit my lungs, not realising that I had been holding my breath. I walked away from the entrance of the hotel and inside a dark alley. Making sure I was alone, I closed my eyes and leaned against the damp wall. The dampness seeped through my thin shirt but for once I didn't care about ruining my clothes. I tried to clear my mind but all I kept seeing were his hazel eyes burning into mine reminding me of that 16 year old boy I met on those stairs all those years ago.

I groaned and opened my eyes wide, balling my hands into fists refusing to let him have my heart again. I hated this situation, I hated how nothing went right in my life, I hated myself for getting so worked up about this but most of all I hated him. I hated his stupid wild hair, his stupid goofy smile, his stupid voice, and his stupid puppy dog eyes. I hated the band he was in, I hated that he ruined this perfect, amazing evening for me. I hated that he saved my life yet ruined it in one breath.

It took me a moment to realise that tears were falling down my cheeks. I wiped them away furiously remembering that I would never let myself cry because of him again. I closed my eyes again as the memory of that night came back to me.

The image of Blaine and _him _swam behind my eyes. I felt my heart break again. Slowly, the tears fell from my face once more and I fell to the ground unable to hold myself up anymore.

I was in love with Blaine. He had my heart from the moment we meet. Everyone knows that high school romances never last but our relationship wasn't just a romance, it was love. I was so sure that he would never hurt me because I knew I would never ever hurt him. We were together for so long but even seven years into our relationship he would make me blush at a drop of a hat, or when he reached over to take my hand I would always get butterflies in my stomach and when we made love it just felt so perfect; we were made for each other.

When I found him that night my world collapsed. I didn't think I could ever love anyone again, but Avan found me. He brought me back; saved me in more ways than even he knows. I love him. I hate Blaine. That's how I decided on my next move. I took a deep breath and took my phone from my pocket texting Avan quickly. Standing up, I brushed myself down and wiped away my tears. I planted a small smile on my face so that Avan couldn't see how much pain I was in. It took Avan all of 5 minutes to come out to me, his expression hard and concerned.

"Kurt, are you all right? You're freezing. Come inside," He said shrugging off his dinner jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders. I smiled and breathed in his soft scent.

"I'm not feeling very well, I think I have a headache coming on" I said quietly. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed my head.

"I didn't think you were; you didn't seem at all right when you came outside. Do you want me to take you home?" He asked meeting my eyes; I knew he didn't really want to leave the party.

"But the party…"

"Kurt, it's just a party. You're the most important thing to me, besides I've already asked you to marry me, which was the main reason for this party anyway." I smiled into his chest. He always treated me with so much love. I felt so guilty that I could never open up to him fully.

"Look, its okay. I'll go back myself. You stay and finish the party with our friends and family." I said to him pulling myself out of the embrace slightly.

"Don't be stupid Kurt I'm coming home with you." He said shaking his head.

"No!" I said loudly. I regretted it immediately when I saw hurt flash in his eyes. "Avan, just stay, my head hurts that all. I'll go home and sleep it off and be as good as new in the morning. Maybe we can carry on our own little party tomorrow night when I feel better." I said trying to defuse the tension that had appeared quickly. Avan stared at me for a moment. I looked down at my shoes so he couldn't see my red eyes.

"Kurt…What's going on?" He asked me quietly. I kicked myself mentally; of course he would know something was going on. I put the fake smile on my face again and looked up at him.

"I'm just worn out, tired and have a bad headache." I said trying to reassure him. He looked at me, hurt still shinning in his eyes. I wrapped myself in his arms again. "Avan, I just need to sleep. Seriously I'll be fine, I'll see you later okay." I said putting trying to put him at ease. He pulled away from my embrace and pinched the bridge of his nose closing his eyes for a moment. He sighed and looked at me.

"Fine, I'll see you later. I'll try and get away as soon as." He said. "You sure you're okay, nothing's happened has it?" He asked me. I shook my head a pulled him down kissing him quickly. I could feel his reluctance to let me go, I rested my forehead on his.

"Stop worrying, I'm meant to be the worry. I'm fine, I'll see you later. I love you." I said. He closed his eyes.

"I love you too." He said. I smiled and walked away from him.

I flagged down a taxi and slid in, leaving him standing in the same spot. I looked back at him as the taxi pulled away from the curb, disappointment was written all over his face. I felt my heart break again; I knew I was running out of chances with this man. He had given me his whole heart and was now waiting for me to do the same, I just wasn't sure I was ready.

**Blaine POV**

I woke up fully dressed on top of my covers. Moonlight was pouring into my room through a gap in my curtains. I rolled over onto my side to look at the time. The clock read 1:00 am. I rubbed my eyes, knowing that there was no point trying to go back to sleep. Sitting up, I noticed that there was a glass of water and 2 headache tablets next to my bed. I took them quickly and remembered the argument with Alex, I buried my head in my hands; shame washing over me. About 10 minutes later I heard a knock at my door. I ignored it knowing that it would be Alex wanting to talk about what happened. He knocked again and let himself in.

"Blaine…" He said softly. I felt my bed dip as he sat by my side. He reached out and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"How the fuck do you think I'm feeling?" I said loudly. He didn't say anything for a minute.

"Sorry," He said quickly, "That was insensitive of me." We were quiet for a while. I knew he had more to say. "Why didn't you tell me or any of us about your father?" He asked bluntly.

"He disowned me when I was 16 years old, that's why." I replied bitterly.

"Man, I'm so sorry. I always wondered why you never spoke about your family but I asked Mason and he said that even he didn't really know what went down. Why did he disown you?" He asked. I gapped at him.

"Because he was over the moon that I was in love with another guy," I said sarcastically.

"Oh, okay" He said. We sat in silence again. I knew he was trying to work out what to say next.

"Blaine, please talk to me about this." He started, "You can't hold this in. I'm sorry I had a go at you but we are genuinely worried about you. You have been so distant lately and not yourself. Please talk to me." He said desperately. I took my hands from my face and looked into his eyes. He looked so scared, I felt so guilty about putting my friends through all of my problems. I really wanted to open up to him and tell him everything that had happened but I wasn't ready. I sighed and broke the eye contact.

"I just really don't want to do this gig." I explained. He removed his hand from my shoulder sighed to himself. He didn't say anything. "But it doesn't matter now because I'm not in the band," I said quickly trying to hide the disappointment in my voice. I honestly enjoyed being a part of Dalton and didn't want to leave. He shook his head at me.

"Of course you're not kicked out of the band, we just thought it might be best to give you a break for a while that's all. To be honest I don't think we were actually going to tell you. I just said it because I was pissed at you." He said. I felt relief spread over me. "But Blaine, we've rejected the other two gig offers we had because you said that you didn't want to do them."

"That wasn't just me, Danny agreed with me on the second one." I reasoned with him.

"That was only because he had a date that night." I frowned. "I know you don't want to do this gig, but honestly I think it will be good for you." He explained. I looked at him to see if he was joking. "Hear me out," He said. I nodded waiting to hear how he was going to persuade me. "You love this Kurt guy even after all of these years?" He asked me. I nodded again, feeling my heart flutter at the mention of Kurt's name. "You haven't been able to get over him; well this may be your chance." I was still confused. "He's going to be getting married," Alex said simply.

"Yes, and it's not to me." I said sadly. I remembered the promise ring I gave to Kurt when we graduated from high school. I remembered the night so clearly. I shook the memory from my mind trying to have some control over my emotions.

"Exactly, it's to somebody else, perfect time for closure."

"Closure?"

"Closure, you'll see how happy he is and realise that he has moved on and maybe you could do the same. Dude it's been 4 years, it's time don't you think?"

"Closure," I said under my breath. The more I thought about what he had said, the more it actually seemed like a good idea. Yes, it would be painful seeing Kurt happy with someone else, but maybe I could move on with my life. Seeing Kurt again might actually be a good thing.

"Are you going to do the concert?" Alex asked, breaking my thoughts.

"He might not want to see me," I said quietly remembering those words he screamed at me all those years ago, on that dreaded night.

"Mate, he'll be so wrapped up in his lover that he won't even realise it's you." He tried to reassure me. I wasn't sold but, despite my worries, I found myself agreeing to play the gig.

Dalton was going to be performing at Avan Lovett and Kurt Hummel's engagement party, what could go wrong?

**Avan POV**

"Kurt," I whispered entering the apartment. The whole house was dark, the only light coming from the streets. I found the light switch for the living room and turned it on. There was a half empty bottle of vodka on the table and a glass sat next to it. I frowned and picked them up taking them back into the kitchen. Kurt didn't usually drink spirits on their own; to be honest he didn't really drink at all. He was always complaining about what it did to your body and hated it when I got really drunk.

When I walked back into the living I noticed hundreds of photos were covering the floor. I picked up a handle of the photos that were closest to me. After flicking through them I realised that I had never seen any of the pictures before. I recognised a younger Kurt in a few of them and some of his friends and family, but in every single one of them there was a man who looked quite familiar. I picked up one of the smallest photos. It was Kurt, his old friend Wes-who I had meet a few times-in their old Dalton uniform and the other guy was there too, his hand wrapped around Kurt's waist. He wasn't looking at the camera but instead his eyes were on Kurt.

I felt myself get more and more angrier as I continued to pick up the pictures off the floor. I could tell that these pictures had been taken over a few years. Some of them were at Dalton or Kurt's other high school. Others were at NYU or at Kurt's home in Ohio. Most of them were taken on vacations or parties. In a few of the pictures Kurt and this other guy were kissing or holding hands not looking at the camera. I felt sick; Kurt had never mentioned this man before. I picked the last one up of the floor and placed them all on the coffee table. The picture on top of the pile was just the unknown man. He was laughing in the picture and had a drink in his hand. The background was dark which brought all the attention to the very good looking man. As I continued to stare at it, I felt a pain in my chest, Kurt had obviously loved this man and yet he had never mentioned him before.

I stood up and took one more look at the man's face. It dawned on me were I recognised him from; it was the lead singer of Dalton. My eyes widened, of course how did I not know? The name of the band was obviously taken from the high school both he and Kurt went to.

I remember Kurt tensing underneath me when the band had been playing earlier on. He had obviously recognised him as soon as he saw him. Something must've happened between them in order for Kurt to leave like he did.

I knew I should have wanted to kill this guy for what ever he did to Kurt but instead I felt myself getting pissed at Kurt. I should already know what he did to Kurt, Kurt should've told me, but he always shut down when ever we got deeper into his past. He never mentioned any past relationships saying that he had had a few flings in college and nothing in high school because he came from a mostly homophobic town.

I felt angry tears fall down my face; I had never felt so betrayed. He had been lying to me about everything. I'd always thought that when two people loved each other they shared everything. I always brushed it off when Kurt refused to tell me everything, thinking that he would tell me when he was ready. I thought asking him to marry me would show him that he could trust me with everything, How could have been so stupid? The memory of us standing in the alley this evening came back to me. I knew something was really wrong with him, but I let him go again.

With the back of my hand, I wiped away my tears and walked towards our bedroom. I slowly opened the door, letting the light from the living room fall over the bed. Kurt was curled up fully clothed on top of it; his body facing away from the door. I walked around the bed and looked down at my fiancé's face; he looked so beautiful and fragile when he slept. I bent down and kissed his forehead. He rolled over onto his back oblivious to the fact that I was there. I sighed and went to walk out of the room when I noticed something in his half clenched fist. I slowly opened his hand, trying not to disturb him, and saw what was there. My heart stopped, two rings were in his palm. A small promise ring and the engagement ring I had brought him. I knew who had given him the ring; I backed away from the bed and out of the room. Grabbing my coat, I left the apartment not wanting to be there when he woke up. I had known ever since I first looked at those photographs…Kurt didn't love me; he was still in love with someone else.

**Kurt POV.**

When the taxi pulled up at the apartment my head was banging. All I needed was a drink; that would help me forget. Forget what, I didn't know: Blaine, Avan, _everything_. I sighed, setting Avan's jacket and my keys on the telephone table. I walked into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of vodka and poured it quickly into an empty glass. I winced as the bitter taste ran down my throat. I poured another glass and took the bottle into the living room. I sat in silence letting the street noise fill the apartment.

I felt so useless. Seeing Avan's face as the taxi pulled away broke my heart; he deserved someone so much better. I never realised how much I was hurting him. He'd always ask me about my past, asking why I never spoke about former relationships, high school or college that often. I shrugged it off making up some bad excuse knowing that, even though he didn't believe me, he would drop it and change the subject because he loved me. I knew that I would have to tell him some day.

As our relationship grew deeper, he opened up to me more. He told me about his past and about he had struggled to come to terms with his sexuality and how he hated keeping it quiet from everyone because the record label would be worried about the image of the band. We would sit together in the living room and he would pour his heart out to me, crying on my shoulder on some occasions.

Deep down I knew that he was looking for me to do the same but I couldn't. Don't get me wrong I had tried so many times, but I always stopped myself. It wasn't that I didn't trust Avan, it was just I didn't want to open myself to anyone ever again. The deeper you got the harder you fell, Blaine had taught me that.

_Blaine_

His name made my skin crawl but my heart flutter at the same time. Seeing him tonight had brought make so many memories; some bad, most good. I remembered the first time he kissed me. I was making a coffin for my dead bird and he came in and started to speak about a song that were we going to sing. I asked him why he had chosen me to sing it with him, I remember being so anxious about asking him as if I already knew the answer.

"_There comes a time when you say to yourself oh, there you are, I've been looking for you forever," _

I closed my eyes remembering the kiss; so deep, full of unspoken words. '_You move me Kurt' _tears fell down my cheeks again. We were both so scared about our feelings. We were 17 and we had fallen in love. I smiled remembering the day he told me he loved me. No big gesture, no fireworks, just those perfect three words.

But he broke my heart, it took all of 2 minutes, but he broke it so badly I never thought it would ever be fixed. Avan tried, he has been trying so hard to glue it back together. Tonight would've made it perfect, made us perfect. Tonight should've been about me and Avan, getting married, starting our lives together, me giving him my whole heart. Instead, my heart was breaking again. All the progress we had made had been destroyed and this time, I didn't think even Avan would be able to fix it; All because of _Blaine._

I walked into our bedroom and opened my huge wardrobe. I didn't realise what I was looking for until I found it. Right at the back of the wardrobe, behind winter coats and suitcases was an old shoe box. I carefully pulled it out and walked into the living room, my eyes never leaving the box in my hands. I placed it on the coffee table next to the vodka and reclined back into the chair. I hadn't opened this box at all since I had filled it up. It was like my very own Pandora's Box. The longer I thought about how much I would regret opening the box the more I wanted to open it. I opened my eyes, sat forward and poured myself another drink. I took the box in my hands and slid off the lid. His face shinned from the photo below, his hazel eyes looking back at me.

I looked at each picture, studying every detail before tossing it to the floor. By the time I reached the bottom of the box, the bottle of vodka was half empty. My head was spinning and hundreds of pictures of _him _were surrounding me. My cheeks were tear stained and my eyes were red raw. I hated myself for looking at those pictures; they all brought back unwanted feelings. I reached inside the box and pulled out the last thing in there. A small blue velvet ring box lay in the palm of my hand. The memory of the first time I saw that box hit me.

"_Kurt Hummel," I turned around and saw Blaine on one knee. My mind immediately thought the worst. I knew he could see it in my expression. He laughed and pulled out a small blue velvet box. "I love you so much, it's not a proposal before you start, but it's a promise. A promise to never hurt you, never upset you, never leave you. A promise to love you forever, even when you're really ill and puking up your guts, or are being a stubborn cow because you want to watch Harry Potter and I want to watch Mulan, or when you wake up beside me and have bed head and morning breath," He winked at me. "A promise that I, Blaine Anderson, will someday ask you to do me the greatest honour and become my husband." He smiled at me and I felt my eyes fill up with tears. He opened the box and took at a plain silver band. "Will you accept this promise ring?" He said taking my hand. I blinked back the tears. _

"_Of course I will," He slid it onto my hand and kissed it. I pulled him off the ground and kissed him passionately. Fireworks were still going off around us, but we didn't care we were in love and we were going to be together forever. _

"_Happy new year Kurt," Blaine said pulling away._

"Happy new year Blaine," I whispered bringing myself back to reality. I opened the small box and took out the ring; bring it up to my eyeline. The engraving was still etched on the instead, it read _Someday _in italic writing. I took the ring and placed it in the palm of my hand. It had meant too much to me back then, now it was an empty promise. My engagement ring caught my eye. It was slightly too big for me, I realised as I slipped it off my finger and placed it on the palm of my hand next to the promise ring. _Blaine would've got the right size_, I thought to myself. My mind froze, what was I doing? _It's the alcohol speaking,_ a small voice suggested. I shook away the thought and tried to stand up. It took me four attempts to get to my feet and walk to the bedroom. It didn't occur to me to tidy up and put things away, all I cared about was sleep. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically drained.

I collapsed onto of the bed and waited for sleep to come. The last thing I saw was the two rings in my hand, one of them burned more brightly than the other. As sleep took me I breathed quietly.

"Someday,"

**Blaine POV**

"I'm not even at the apartment yet; can you guys go and set up at the hotel without me?" I said to Alex as I crossed the busy street on the way back to our apartment. I heard him sigh at the other end of the phone.

"What ever but just don't be late, you have about 2 hours before we go on," Alex reminded me. I shook my head as I darted through the traffic that was slowly building. The Law firm was only a few blocks from the apartment so Alex and I walked there and back every day. He had booked himself half a day in order to get the equipment ready for the show. I would usually do the same but the thought of doing the gig put me on edge.

I had regretted agreeing to do the show as soon as I had agreed to it. Of course Kurt would be still pissed at me. The thought of seeing him again made me feel sick. I hoped that he didn't recognise me, but even I knew it was false hope. I had, therefore, tried to back out of doing the gig by other means. I had faked illness, tried to swap shifts with other people, booked a visit to see my brother and his family claiming I had forgotten all about it, but the guys weren't having any of it. They had ignored every single one of my excuses and said that I would be doing the gig even if they had to drag me there by my hair.

My last attempt of avoiding this concert had been procrastinating for the majority of the day, therefore leaving all my work until the last minute and making myself late. It would've worked as well if my boss hadn't told me to go home and get ready. Apparently he was a fan of Dalton and didn't want me missing the gig because I was doing work that could be left until the next day.

That's how I found myself leaving my apartment at 8:30 and climbing into a cab making my way over to the one place I didn't want to be. The only thing that was keeping me from running was the fact that I didn't want to let the others down. Alex had spoken to them all after our argument and told them what was going on and they had all agreed that doing the show would be good for me. They had all said that it would be an excellent time for closure. _Bullshit._

The taxi pulled up outside the hotel at 8:45 giving me 15 minutes before I was meant to go on stage. I paid the driver and stepped out of the car, looking up at the entrance of the hotel. It was one of the best hotels in the city and was very expensive to stay at and even more to hire a room for a party. I shook my head; of course Avan Lovett could hire the whole hotel out if he wanted to, he was a millionaire. I pushed the bitter thoughts to the back of my mind and slowly forward to the hotel doors. I opened the doors and hurried inside. I was inside the doors when a familiar face walked up to me, his face red with anger.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mason practically shouted at me. I gapped at him stopping in my tracks. The few people that were in the reception turned and looked at us, he ignored them and continued shouting. "We have been phoning you none stop; we're going on stage in 5 minutes!"

"Sorry my battery died and I couldn't find my charger." I lied avoiding his eyes. Truth was I turned my phone off when I had finished on the phone with Alex. I knew they would be phoning me constantly making sure I was still coming, then reassuring me it would be alright, then asking me where the hell I was. I couldn't deal with them, I couldn't deal with anyone. I was so out of sorts and everything kind of felt like a dream. I couldn't believe I was in the same building as Kurt after all of these years.

"Forget it, you're here now. You ready to face the music?" He said to me softly.

"Of course not," I replied. "I'm still deciding whether I'm going to actually go through with it or not." He smiled.

"It will be fine, better than fine." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and guided me down a hall way off the reception. We were quiet for a moment before he spoke. "I've already seen Kurt by the way, he's…changed." He said quietly. I remembered that Mason knew Kurt as well.

"Changed how?" I said.

"You'll see," His eyes twinkled as he looked down at me. I sighed, I wasn't ready for this, I was never going to be ready for this.

"Did he recognise you?" I asked him trying to keep the conversation going knowing that if I was left with my own thoughts I would run the other way.

"No, not from a distance anyway." He replied. "Avan came and spoke to us, he is cool man. To be honest he reminded me of you a little." I raised my eyebrows. "Only a little bit, to be honest if he wasn't getting married to the man you're in love with you two would get on like a house on fire." I ignored him. "Anyway, here we are." He guided me to a set of double doors. "Don't worry this is the stage entrance, we thought it would be better than going through a crowd of people who would want to kill you if they recognised you." He joked.

"Seriously, way to boost my confidence," I turned and glared at him. He brought his hands up in defence.

"Just keeping it real man," He pushed open the doors and led the way onto the stage.

"Jerk," I muttered under my breath and followed him through the doors. The others were gathered one corner waiting for us. I saw the party out of the corner of my eye and made myself look the other way, avoiding seeing everyone until I was on stage. It would be too late to run then.  
>"Blaine! Finally," Rob hissed when he saw us coming over to them. He handed me my guitar a little forcefully.<p>

"Rob, leave him." Alex said glaring at him. He turned to me his expression softening. "You ready for this mate?" He asked me.

"Nope, I feel like I'm going to be sick," I whispered. I taking off my jacket and placing it on top of an equipment box. All of their eyes watched me as I walked back to them.

"It will be fine, remember closure," Danny said to me with a smile, I didn't return it.

"Okay guys, here we go, good luck." Alex said to us all as the lights dimmed on the crowd. "Blaine, I nearly forgot!" he said, the others had made their way on stage already. "We have changed the first song on the set list, something a little more appropriate." He said.

"Why have you changed it? We always start with Here comes the sun, it's a freaking crowd pleaser." I moaned.

"We're doing that second; we're starting with Teenage Dream." I felt myself go white. "I know we haven't rehearsed it as much, but I think it fits nicely with everything that is going on. You'll be fine," He said putting his hand on my back before walking out on stage.

I couldn't believe what was happening; I was going to be singing that song to Kurt again. It was like someone up there really hated me at the moment. I heard a man introduce us to the crowd of people. It was a split second decision, I could run away and never look back, or I could go out there and face whatever fate was waiting for me. _Courage,_ I thought to myself. I shook my head and walked out on stage, taking my place at the microphone. I closed my eyes ignoring the crowd, ignoring Kurt, and just felt the music.

"_You think I'm pretty without any makeup on, _

_You think I'm funny when I tell a punch line wrong,_

_I know you get me so I let my walls come down, down." _

I opened my eyes and let the words take over me. My eyes found him straight away, standing to the side of the stage with Avan Lovett's arms wrapped around his waist. Mason was right he had changed; he was even more beautiful than before. I looked at his expression. His face had gone pale and his mouth was wide in shock. He recognised me and he wasn't happy about it. His gaze went to the other people in the room, I recognised his family and some of his friends, none of them had realised who I was. I brought my attention back to him. He had turned to Avan and was speaking to him. I saw him smile before untangling himself from his partner and walk across the room. As I watched he walked between the tables, still with the familiar grace that I remembered, He reached the door and turned back and looked at me. I felt so many emotions hit me at once. Angry, sorrow, despair, regret and most importantly love. I still loved him even after all this time. Even after seeing him happy with someone else. I still loved him, always have and always will.

With one last fleeting glance he opened the door and disappeared from view. I could still see his face as I pulled my eyes away from the door. I could still see the look in his eyes that same emotion mixed with all the rest. It was the same look he gave me all those years ago, disappointment. I knew, in that moment, I would do everything to get Kurt to never look at me like that again. It wasn't going to be easy, but I could never live with myself ever again if I hadn't set the story straight and told Kurt exactly how much he meant to me.

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><p>There we go, I hoped you liked it. You have no idea how excited I was when I finished this Chapter.<p>

Please review etc. It will make me sajidogdfjgudfh A LOT!

Love to you all,

see you in Chapter 2.


	2. Chapter 2: War and Peace

**Oh look who it is. **

**Yes I haven't died, would you believe. **

**So a whole thousand years (4 months) later and guess what has appeared YES A NEW CHAPTER! **

**OMFREAKINGGOSH.**

**I seriously have no excuse for why it has taken me so long to get this updated, let's just say life got in the way.**

**Seriously I've started 6th Form College and a new job and As Levels are a bitch (If you're American it's the qualification's we have to get before we go to University, 2 years of hell basically) **

**And then I had a lot of family issues and to cut a long story short, I have been really busy. **

**Before I let you read (Nearly finished with my rambling's promise) I want to say a HUGE HUGE THANKYOU to GleeisLife101, without them, this story would probably have taken another 4 months for it to be updated. **

**So yes, enjoy this Chapter and see you at the end x)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: War and Peace... <strong>

**Kurt POV:**

I could hear the sound of distant banging. It was so familiar yet, as the sound grew louder, it was so unwanted. The noise soon became unbearable, my head thumping in time with it. It stopped. My eyes flew open and fell onto my alarm clock, the red digits blinking rapidly. _That explains the banging_, I thought to myself. It took me a few moments to register the time, register my surroundings and the massive headache that was now threatening to make my head explode.

_8 am; at home in bed, I need pain killers now. _

I rolled over, turning away from the clock and reaching out for him next to me. The other side of the bed was empty, the covers and the pillows in perfect condition, untouched. I blinked a few times, before realising he wasn't there.

"Avan…" My voice croaked. I coughed and sat up, too quickly. "Ow, Avan, Oh My God Avan, Where are you? I need you." No reply. I sighed and stood up from the bed. I was now fully aware that I was in my shirt and dress trousers from the night before. My shirt was creased in ways that made me want to cry and I had tear stains on my trouser legs. I looked up to the ceiling and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Bigger picture Kurt," I sighed to myself. I stumbled into the bathroom and grab some headache tablets and a glass of water. Taking them quickly, I washed my face and looked in the mirror. My eyes were red and bloodshot, my cheeks were reed and tear tracks still visible. My hair was sticking out in all directions; I was a complete mess.

"Avan, are you here?" I called out again. No reply. I could feel myself becoming more and more anxious. Walking back into the bedroom, I grabbed my phone and quickly dialled Avan's number. It rang for a few seconds, before I heard the distant ring coming from the kitchen. My eyes shot open and I ran into the kitchen. His phone was lying on the counter next to his keys, a note, half a bottle of vodka, a small shoe box, and two rings.

"No," I breathed. I tried to think back to last night, but it was all a blur and huge mess of emotional nothing. I grabbed the note from the side and read it quickly.

Kurt,

I am staying at my sister's for a few days. I think we both need to take some time to clear our heads. I love you, so much. You have no idea how much this hurts me Kurt, but in spite of this I still love you, always have and always will.

See you in a few days. Avan

I read and reread the note over and over again hoping that the message would change. The tears, once again, fell from my eyes. I had done this; I had pushed him away from me. I hadn't been the honest one, but he still wanted me, he still loved me.

I felt my fist clench, scrunching the paper into a ball. But what had caused me to be like this. To be this closed book, not letting anyone in, not letting anyone have my heart completely. I wiped away my tears and felt myself fall to the ground. My emotions had always been my weakest point. I would keep everything in and not tell anyone about anything. That was until that November, on those stairs. When I found the first person I could finally open up to. But then in one foul sweep he destroyed the trust I had formed and once again I found it difficult to share my emotions. Avan had been getting there. We were becoming serious and we were in love, but I always had my doubts. Once again he was there to pull me out of my dream world and into reality. Here I was again, nowhere to turn, no one who would understand and it was his fault.

A strangled sob came from between my lips, but no tears fell. I was tired, tired of the pain of my fragile heart breaking all over again. I sat on the ground for what felt like hours. My headache was slowly returning and I my phone had rang at least five times before I had switched it off. I closed my eyes and switched it back on bringing up the one name I always could rely on.

"Hello, Kurt?" I heard her say in a worried voice. I closed my eyes hoping I wouldn't sound so broken.

"Cedes…I need you." My voice broke and the tears ran down my cheeks once more. She was quiet for a moment.

"I'll be there in five minutes," She hung up and I breathed in. Mercedes will know what to do, she always does.

**Blaine POV**

"Blaine, get the fuck out of bed now," My covers were pulled off and I suddenly felt exposed. "DUDE, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF UNDERWEAR?" My covers were thrown back over me and the door slammed loudly.

"Fuck," I groaned rolling over to check the time. 9am, I sighed and sat up. My head was banging the memory of last night came to mind.

Being on stage; singing to him; seeing him for the first time in so many years. His beautiful features shined brightly behind my eyelids, I breathed in imagining his scent. A knock at the door brought me back to reality.

"Come in," I sighed pulling on some jeans. Alex stood in the door way leaning against its frame. We looked at each other for a few moments before I looked away, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry Alex," I whispered trying not to look at him. I could see him rub his face and shake his head. He walked over to me in one side and pulled me into his arms. I let myself break down in his arms, the emotion of five years spilling out of me. We stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled out of our embrace.

"Blaine, it's my fault. I should never have forced you there. I was surprised you made it through the first song to be honest." He said looking down at me.

"I shouldn't have run off like that though." I let my head fall, guilt washed over me.

"Blaine, please stop worrying about it. We were fine in the end. Once the shock had gone, Mason took lead. Everything was fine." I shook my head; it wasn't fine. I told them I was going to be there and I had let them down. I had once again run away from my demons.

"You don't understand," I spat. Hurt flashed across Alex's face. I took a deep breathe trying to control my temper.

"Help me understand Blaine," He pleaded. I shook my head and looked away. "If you're not going to speak to me, then please find someone to speak to Blaine. You keep everything in and try to face everything yourself, sometimes you need someone to help you." He explained. I knew he was right, he always was but I felt so alone, felt like nobody could understand me. We sat in silence for a few minutes before he sighed and stood from the bed. "I know you don't feel like it but I think you owe all of us an explanation." My eyes widened in shock as I began to protest. "No buts, everyone is waiting in the other room, come in when you're ready." With this he left the room shutting the door quietly behind him.

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration anger and despair running through my blood. I was just so tired, tired of myself, tired of heartbreak, tired of stupid fucking mistakes. I fell back into the mattress and breathed deeply clearing my head. This situation had gone too far and I couldn't see how I was going to pull it back. I knew what I wanted, what I needed, but right then he was so far away from me and everything seemed impossible.

**Kurt POV**

"Quiet baby, everything's going to be fine you'll see," I clung onto her arm as she slowly rubbed my back and calmed me with her words. Mercedes had arrived not long after I had phoned her. I was lying on my bed quietly sobbing into my hands when she found me. She wrapped her arms around me and I told her everything. It felt like such a relief to tell somebody. I felt guilty at the fact that we hardly spent time together any more but I was pleased to see that she was still here for me in my darkest hours. I took a deep breath and forced myself to stop crying. I sat up and gave her a teary smile.

"How do you make me feel better so quickly?" I asked her taking her hand. She shrugged and pressed her hand to my check.

"I'm a mum now Kurt, It is second nature to me." I looked away, it was hard to believe how fast everyone around me had grown up and become adults when I still felt like I was learning new things and making hundreds of mistakes. "It also helps that I'm your bestie and I know you better than you know yourself boo." She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I still can't believe that was him, I thought I recognised him but I thought it was because I was familiar with the band. He left after the first song anyway, I don't think anyone really had time to register that it was actually him. Good job to, imagine if your dad had realised," She laughed, "He would've gotten what he deserved anyway." I flinched away from her harsh comment. She sighed and squeezed me tighter, "I'm sorry Kurt, but I was there after he did that to you. I was the one who had to pick up all the pieces. I was the one who had to see my best friend who I love so much, broken and vulnerable, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him Kurt." I kept quiet and closed my eyes. Obviously it was nothing more than I had expected, she hated him and everyone else hated him after what he did. I hated him, didn't I? I shook the thoughts from my head.

"Here's what we are going to do," I sat up and Mercedes grabbed my hand. "You are going to phone Avan and sought this shit out, tell him to get his ass back here and tell him everything you just told me." I made to interrupt her, "No excuses Kurt. It's time you let him in, Kurt he wants to marry you. He wants to be with you forever. He loves you so much and I know you love him to but you have to show him Kurt. When you have sorted everything else out you both should take a holiday, somewhere nice and expensive where you can be waited on hand and foot. Don't give me any BS about work; I'm sure they can manage a week without you." I sighed she was right, of course she was. "Last thing, I never want you to think about Blaine ever again. He is your past Kurt, Avan is your future, throw those pictures away and the ring. Forget about him; let him go otherwise you are never going to look forward boo." She stared at me both sighing, patting my knee and standing up from the bed. "I have to go and pick the twins up from school. I'm sorry I have to leave."

"Mercedes you have been amazing already, thank you." I smiled weakly, trying to reassure here. She frowned.

"Phone Avan straight away when I leave," I nodded knowing that I would have to face him some time. "Then get yourself cleaned up, wear the best outfit you have, and I know you have some fabulous things boo, walk down the street and find the nicest looking coffee shop you can and get yourself a-

"Grande Non-fat mocha," We said simultaneously. I wiped my eyes and sighed. "You know what, I might just do that." I stood up and pulled her into my arms. "I love you 'Cedes." I whispered.

"I love you to boo," She kissed my cheek and my apartment. I picked up my phone from the bed, took a deep breath and dialled Avan's sister's number. It rand twice before his tiered voice came into my ear.

"Kurt"

"Avan, we need to talk"

**Blaine POV**

I felt as if I was walking to my death. I had bailed on them in the middle of the show why would I expect any different. I took a deep breath and opened the door. They talking stopped immediately and looked at me. The silence rang in my ears and I knew they were waiting for me to speak.

"Guys, I am so sorry." They all looked away from me and at each other. Alex came beside me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Give them a minute," He whispered to me as he walked past and sat on the couch next to Rob.

"Suppose you think we are going to forgive you do you?" Rob spat at me looking away. I sighed; trust him to be like this.

"Rob, leave it out will you. You said you weren't going to be a dick for one moment in your life." Alex said glaring at his brother.

"Yes, well I tried that and got bored. You left us Blaine, alone and on the stage in front of a crowd of people." He said standing up and walking over to me. I took a step back, Rob was a lot taller than me and I did not want to get hit by him.

"I'm not saying you should forgive me straight away, just please consider it." I said quietly. Rob just glared at me.

"Well you're going to be waiting a long time for forgiveness from me." I cringed away from his words. He turned his back on me and walked away.

"Look," I said loudly my temper rising every second. "I didn't even want to do this fucking gig." I spat.

"Yes because in your world it's always about little old fucking Blaine," Rob said turning around to face me.

"I told you all I didn't want to do it; if you had let me bail out of it when I said then you could've arranged a better set for just the four of you." I shouted.

"We are a band Blaine, a five piece one. This concert was a huge deal to us." Mason offered.

"Mason you of all people should know why I didn't want to do that fucking concert. But you still made me do it." I said turning on him.

"It's been 4 years Blaine; it's time you moved on." Mason yelled. "It was your own fault. You fucked things up with him; you have no one to blame but yourself."

"Guys, shouting at each other isn't going to get us anywhere." Alex said trying to stand between Rob, Mason and myself.

"Blaine, you have pushed at us and pushed at us. Closing yourself off and frankly treating all of us like shit. What else did you expect?" Danny said now joining in.

"A little understanding from my best friends would've been nice." I shouted at them all.

"I think you should leave." Mason said quietly.

"IT'S MY FUCKING HOUSE," No one said anything. I glared at them all in turn. That was it; I had finally pushed them away.

"Cool off for a few hours Blaine," Alex said looking at me. "I'll talk to them." I walked out and into my room. I ripped off my jeans, put my sweat pants, hoodie and trainers on, grabbed my money, my iPod and keys and left the apartment.

**Kurt POV**

"Kurt?"

"Avan we need to talk," I said. He was quiet on the other side.

"No Kurt you need to talk to me," He said. I closed my eyes.

"I'm ready to tell you everything, but not over the phone. Please come home, I miss you." I pleaded with him. He was quiet again.

"I'll be home at 9. We are going to talk everything out; I don't care how long it takes."

"Okay,"

"I'll see you later."

"I love you Avan," I said quietly.

"You know I love you Kurt," He hung up, the dial tone played loudly down the other end. I turned off my phone and tried to control myself. Tears were threatening to run from my eyes. I shook them away and stood up from my bed and walked into the bathroom. I was going to get dressed and go to the coffee shop a few blocks down. I was then going to go to Finn and Rachel's so I wouldn't be alone and then come home and have it out with Avan. It felt good to have control again.

**Blaine POV**

Running always helped me think. Putting my music on, shutting myself off from everything. When I ran I felt free. Any worries or stress would disappear every time my trainers hit the concrete. I enjoyed running the most when I was on vacation. I would get up early walk down to the beach and run as far as I could before the sun came up. The beautiful sun rise would blind me as I rested on the sand before I continued to run.

It was how I found myself now, running. I was so angry it was painful to even think about what had just happened. I needed to clear my mind and calm down before I went back, but even now as I ran through the busy streets and parks of the city, I couldn't just forget. I kept going trying to concentrate on exactly how fast and how long I was running, but it was no good. I could still here their words ringing in my ears.

"_It was your own fault. You fucked things up with him; you have no one to blame but yourself,"_

I wanted to scream. I knew Mason was right, but it was so hard to move on. I thought they would understand, but none of them besides Alex had even tried. They forced be to do the gig, even though they knew my situation. I could feel a stich threatening in my thigh, so I stopped running and moved to the side of the walk way. I stretched my leg but the pain didn't subside. I sighed and looked around. I hardly recognised where I was, nothing was familiar and I had been living in the city for 7 years now. I took a deep breath and tried to remember what way I had ran, but it was just a blur. I hadn't been focused on where I was going, just on the fact that I had to get as far away as I could.

I looked across the street and saw a small coffee shop on the corner. Crossing the street, carefully dodging any cars, I pushed the door open, a bell rang out and the smell of coffee hit me and I felt myself relax. It was fairly busy but everyone was speaking in whispered voices, it was nice. I ordered and sat down with my back to the door.

I knew I would have to phone Alex to reassure him I was okay, but it could wait. I was quite content with just drinking my coffee and watching the people around me. I heard the doorbell ring again, a cold chill spread across my neck from the cold outside. I shivered, closed my eyes and leaned back in my chair.

"Grande non-fat mocha please," A voice said from behind me. My eyes shot open.

"Anything else?"

"Oh go on then I'll have a double chocolate chip cookie as well," I could almost hear him smile. "Why not?" The barrister laughed. I smiled to myself, his voice was still perfect. It was something I was in tune to. For the first time in years, my heart was beating double time and I could feel my smile actually being genuine and not forced.

"That'll be 5.50 please. Thank you enjoy your day."

"Thank you and you." He was always so polite. I heard the scrape of a chair to the left of me. I could hardly bring myself to look. Would I want to see him again? Last night had been hard enough; do I want to put both of us through that again? It was a split second decision, one I hoped I wouldn't regret. I found myself standing up and walking over to him. He had his back to me, but there was no mistaking it. It was him. His hair was perfect; his shoulders were relaxed but leaner than I remembered. I took a deep breath and almost whispered the name I had resisted from speaking all these years.

"Kurt…"

**Avan POV**

It had been a long day. When I pulled up to mine and Kurt's apartment I was ready to just fall asleep, but I knew that we both had a lot to say. I drank the last bit of my coffee before switching off the car and grabbing my bag and coat from the back seat. As I climbed the stairs to the apartment I suddenly became worried about what I was going to hear from him. Did I want him to tell me the truth? Was I ready to hear what he had to say? I almost wanted to turn around and never look back, part of me wish I had never been involved with him.

I cringed at my own thoughts. I loved him with every part of my being, he was my world. I wouldn't swap any of the time I had spent with him for anything. I was suddenly overwhelmed with how much I just wanted to hold him. The talking could wait till later, I just wanted Kurt.

I reached the door, pulled out my key and slowly opened the door. It was dark in the apartment; Kurt had said he would be awake, so I thought he might've been out, possibly at Finn's. I dropped my bad on the floor, put my keys on the side and shut the door. I walked into the living room and switched on the lamp. I gasped and stepped away from the settee.

He was lying on the couch asleep wearing Kurt's clothes. It was the man from the pictures, from the band, the man my fiancée was still in love with. I didn't know what to do; I was suddenly so scared of what was going to happen. Why was he here? Who was he? Where was Kurt? I felt a tear run from my face. I switched off the lamp so I didn't wake him, so I didn't have to face the truth. I walked into the bedroom. He was sitting on top of the bed crossed legged in the dark looking straight at me. A light from outside shone on his face. He was crying.

"Avan, nothing has happened. I can explain." He whispered.

"Kurt, what is going on?" I said my voice breaking.

"Please Avan, come and sit down and I can explain everything." He walked over to me and made to pull me into his arms. I flinched away.

"Did you-Did you-Have you?" I asked unable to contain my tears. He didn't answer. Anger pulsed through my veins. "Did you have sex with him yes or no Kurt?"

**Kurt POV**

I left the apartment about 3 hours after my phone call with Avan. I had a shower and got dressed like Mercedes's had said, and in all honesty I felt a lot better. My thoughts were clearer and I knew exactly what I had to do. I loved Avan, so much, and felt that tonight would be the night I gave him everything. I owed it to him and to myself. Seeing Blaine had made me realise that I was too hung up on what would've been than what is. I was certain that I would never see him again so any unwanted feelings wouldn't come to suffice once more.

I subconsciously walked to my local coffee shop a block away from my apartment. The familiar bell chimed as I stepped through the door. I shuck of my light jacket, folded it over my arm and walked over to the counter.

"Grade non-fat Mocha, Please," I ordered. The barrister started making my drink and whilst I waited to pay. It was fairly busy for a Thursday afternoon. There were a group of students sitting in the corner talking about a book they were working on, having a heated whispered argument. A couple holding hands across the table were whispering sweet nothings to each other and gazing intently into each other's eyes. I sighed realising that I actually missed Avan more than I had thought. Yes it had only been one night, but it reminded me of the times he would be away for weeks on end on tour. I just wanted to be with him and sort this whole mess out. Last night should've been one of the most magical nights of our lives. We were going to get married, start a life together, and be connected forever. But yet I was alone all night, crying my eyes out over something I couldn't ever change. It should never have been like this.

"Anything else?" He asked.

"Oh go on then I'll have a double chocolate chip cookie as well," I would regret it later but oh well nothing a long run couldn't fix, I smiled. "Why not," He laughed at gave me my drink and cookie. I gave him the money and sat in front of the window. The chair scraped loudly across the floor I threw an apologetic glance the couple's way, but they just smiled and went back to each other. It was one of the reason I loved this coffee shop so much. Not only was the coffee amazing, it was always calm and relaxing when you calm in. No one would be loud or over bearish. Time went quicker as you sat watching the world go by. I could sit here for hours drinking coffee and just thinking. It was my place, a place where no one could find me. I closed my eyes and sipped my drink, smiling at the familiar taste. It was then when I heard it. Even in the calm serenity of this shop, I nearly missed it.

"Kurt," It was quieter than a breath. I thought I had imagined it until I turned around. He was standing there; plain and simple. He stared at me, his hazel eyes baring into mine once more. He was here I was here. I was in shock, it was the only I could I could justify what I do next. What did I expect? Things would never go right in my life, the universe didn't even let me have one day off.

**Blaine POV**

I heard the slap before I felt it. It was so quick; I barely had time to register what had happened. He turned around and it was like time stopped again. He was here I was here; plain and simple. He was so much more beautiful that even my memories didn't do him justice. Seeing him, this close to me again, made me want to reach out and hold him again. I could feel my eyes watering as I soaked in single last detail of him. It was then that I realised he had stood; of course he was still taller than me. I took a step backwards and he looked down at me his eyes widening.

_Smack_

I gasped and clutched my check, a sharp pain making my whole face scream. Everything stopped in the coffee shop, everyone was looking our way. I blinked and looked at him again. Tears were forming in his eyes and he wiped them away quickly, bowing his head from embarrassment. I stared at him.

"Is everything alright here?" The barrister asked forcefully.

"Everything is fine, no show here folks," I called out not taking my eyes from Kurt. His cheeks had turned red and he sank back down in his chair, determined not to meet my eyes. I was stuck, part of me wanted to leave and never look back, but I knew that was never going to happen. Part of me wanted to scream in his face and be angry at him for hitting me, but I knew I truly deserved everything I got and to be honest had expected it years ago. As I stood there contemplating my decisions, I almost missed his whispered voice.

"Aren't you going to sit down then?" I hesitated before walking around the table and taking a seat in front of him. The coffee shop had gone back to normal and everyone was ignoring us once again. I tried to catch Kurt's eye, but he never looked up from his hands. We sat in silence what seemed like forever; neither of us knowing where to start.

"I'm sorry I slapped you," Kurt said breaking the silence. I almost jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Can't say I didn't deserve it," I reasoned. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, his eyes still not meeting mine. No one spoke. I couldn't take my eyes off him; he was so beautiful. His eyes still glistened all the colours of the ocean, his lips made my heart flutter as I relished in the memory of their taste. His hair, perfect as always, looked soft and made me want to run my fingers through it. He was still Kurt; the man I loved, the man who didn't love me. I needed to distract my mind, it was running on overtime and I knew if I was left alone with my thoughts for any longer I would break down.

"So how have you been?" I asked him. He whipped his head around and stared at me his eyes meeting mine once again. I recoiled from the hard, piercing look he was throwing at me.

"You're really going to do this Blaine?" He spat. He drew his attention away from me once more.

"Am I really going to do what?" I felt stupid asking the question, but it left my lips before I could stop myself.

"Sit there as if we're old pals who have just bumped into each other after not speaking for so many years, because that's not what this is." He looked at me once more.

"Then what is this?" I asked quietly.

"It's one of those unfortunate moments when the world wants to laugh in your face." I winced at his words, he ignored me. "What are you doing here?" I frowned.

"Drinking coffee," He glared at me.

"I mean here, in New York, at my engagement party, speaking to me." He replied throwing his arms around.

"I live here, you're fiancé booked the band I played in and I…" I stuttered, why was I speaking to him? "I thought it would be rude to at least not say hello after I saw you yesterday." He considered this for a moment.

"You knew that I was going to be at that party last night?" He asked me his eye brows creasing and his mouth forming into a line.

"I…I…yes I knew that it was your party."

"And no small part of you thought that it may not be the best idea to turn up and sing that fucking song straight at me," I could see the tears forming in his eyes; I felt so stupid and pathetic.

"I tried to get out of it Kurt, honestly, but the guys said that it would be okay and that I…" I stopped myself; I wasn't going to admit that I still had feelings for him, not yet.

"And that you what Blaine?" He asked waiting for me to continue.

"It doesn't matter now, what's done is done." I shrugged.

"No Blaine it does matter, seeing you again matters." His voice was getting louder and louder. "You broke my heart," He chocked tears now running freely down his cheeks. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him I was so sorry, and then run outside and jump in front of a bus. How could I have done this to him? Hurt him, break him. I felt my own tears on my cheeks, there were no words I could say to him to make it better.

"Kurt," I croaked. "Kurt, please look at me." He lifted his head and his tear filled eyes poured into my own. "Kurt, I am so sorry. I can't begin to explain how sorry I am. These past few years have made me realise how pathetic I was. I don't expect you to forgive me Kurt, I can't forgive myself. But please know that I never ever meant to hurt you like that. It was a drunken stupid mistake, he made sure you knew of it Kurt. You knew that he was trying to drive a wedge between us." Both of us were crying freely. His hand dropped to the table, in one brave act I clasped it in my own and leaned forward pressing my cheek to his palm. "I have hated myself since the second it happened Kurt. I still have no explanation as to why I did it in the first place. I have missed you so much Kurt, your laugh, your beautiful smile, your shocking eyes, yours lips, your touch, your taste, your hands, your voice, your personality, your body, your clothes, your sense of humour, your everything. I've just missed you." His eyes widened and I let go of his hand. "It hurts me every day knowing that I will never get any of that back and I have no one to blame but myself." I sighed and wiped my eyes. "I've said what I've had to say, at least can have some peace knowing that I have told you everything I need to say." I stood up and tried not to make eye contact with him. "See you around Kurt." I walked away resisting the urge to look at him once more.

"Blaine, wait."

**Kurt POV**

Waiting for Avan to come home was one of the worst experiences of my life. How had I gotten myself into this situation? I went out to get some coffee; I should've gotten my coffee to take away and walked back home, maybe working on some designs for the fall fashion show my brand had coming up in a few weeks. Maybe it would've stopped us meeting, stopped all of these feelings, stopped what I knew was about to come.

I had no idea how it happened. One minute I was slapping him around the face, the next minute he was crying in my arms. He grabbed my hand, just like that; like old times. As soon as our hands touched I felt it, that feeling of longing, desperation, rightness and wrongness at the same time. The feeling you get when you are midway through jumping into a swimming pool or when you go to a concert to see your favourite band and they play your favourite song. The feeling I got when I looked into his hazel eyes for the first time on the spiral staircase all those years ago. It shocked me, so many feelings, emotions and memories returning to me at once. One single touch and I felt as if my world was collapsing yet becoming whole once again. In honest truth it scared me; I wasn't sure what scared me the most: Seeing Blaine again? Or knowing that Blaine could have this effect on me after everything had happened?

This is what made me stop him as he turned to leave. It was a spare of the moment decision; the words left my mouth before I could stop myself.

"Let's go for a walk," I said to him standing up and leaving shop. I knew he follow and as predicted he caught up with walking besides me trying to keep up with my long strides. We walked in silence, I never realised where we were going until we were there.

"This is mine and Avan's apartment, take your shoes off as you go in," I opened to door and lead him inside. He followed quickly

**Blaine POV**

The light woke me up, then the gasp, then the light being switched off again; in that order. I kept my eyes shut hoping to keep the dream I had been having a reality. It was just me and Kurt; it was more of a memory than a dream, one of my favourite memoires. We were lying on my bed just wrapped up in each other's arms. I could see his beautiful features in the half light, it was the happiest I had every felt in my life. I loved him, he loved me; everything was perfect. I didn't want to be reminded of the truth.

It took me a while to realise where I was and what had happened. Opening my eyes, I realised I was still in Kurt's apartment. I cringed at the memory of what brought me to here. Crying my heart to out the man I was in love with was not how I had planned my Friday afternoon. I blinked a few times and ran my hands through my hair. It took me a few moments to realise I could hear raised voices coming from a room down the corridor that lead off from the kitchen. I stood and quietly walked closer trying to hear what was being said.

"Did you have sex with him Kurt, Yes or no?" An unfamiliar voice yelled.

"Shit," I whispered to myself. It was Avan, he had already seen me. I had screwed up again. I tried to move from where I was standing but legs wouldn't move. There was a painful silence.

"What do you think Avan?" I heard Kurt spat. It was a familiar tone, one that made me cringe still after all these years. Kurt was pissed.

"God dam it Kurt, I have no idea what to think. I feel like I don't know you at all." Avan yelled at Kurt. I fought the urge to storm in and tell Avan where to go, but I felt it probably wasn't the best idea.

"No, me and Blaine did not have sex." Kurt said his voice rising.

"Did you want to have sex with him?" I frowned, what the fuck kind of question was that?

"What the hell kind of question is that meant to be?" Kurt spat. I smiled, we were still so in tune.

"Well did you?" Avan asked his voice lowering. I could hear Kurt walking across the floor towards him.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Of course I didn't want to; I love you; for crying out loud. Why would I want to fuck this up?" Kurt screamed. I gripped onto the work surface; it's exactly what I had done. I had fucked it up between me and Kurt, the situation was too familiar. I just wanted to run, but I was so tiered of running; from Kurt, from my friends, from my issues, from my past. Enough was enough, if I wanted a second chance with Kurt, I had to stay. I needed to stay.

"I don't know why you'd want to fuck this up. Maybe perhaps because you still love him." My heart skipped a beat.

"I still…Can you hear yourself speaking right now? I've just told you I love you. Gosh you're so frustrating." Kurt yelled.

"I'm frustrating, Kurt you never tell me anything. I come in after the party the other night and there's photographs lying on the fall of you and some stranger I never even knew existed. You're passed out on the bed holding two goddamn rings and you say I'm frustrating. I've been trying for the past three years to figure you out Kurt, just when I think we are getting somewhere you pull a freaking stunt like this. What the hell happened to you? Why don't you tell me about your past? Why won't you let me love every single bit of you Kurt?" Avan yelled.

"Because I can't," Kurt whispered. I felt a tear run down my cheek. He sounded so broken, so fragile and I had caused that.

"What do you mean you can't? That's fucking ridiculous." Avan shouted. "You know what forget it, that's it. You're obviously not serious about us," Footsteps walked towards the door.

"Avan please,"

"No Kurt, that's it."

"Avan, I'm so sorry. I just can't. Please don't leave me." The door opened and light spilled into the hall way. I just stood there and watched them. Avan looked up at me as he walked past. His eyes meet mine and I knew that look. It was one I had gotten from every single one of Kurt's friends, every single one of my friends; Accusation, anger, pain. I flinched away from him.

"Avan please, please don't leave me. We can talk, Avan please." Kurt screamed. He stopped dead when he saw me. "YOU!" He walked towards me. "This. Is. All. Your. Fault. I. Hate, You!" I hit me with every word he screamed.

"Kurt, Stop it!" I yelled. He continued to hit single part of me he could. His yelling soon turned into broken sobs. I gripped onto him, forcing his hands to stop. He collapsed into my arms and cried into my shoulder. I bit back the tears as I held his small frame in my arms.

I walked him back into his room and put him into bed. He let me take care of him, not complaining as I threw the covers over him and turned off his light. I picked up his phone and called the person I was looking for.

"Kurt, Are you okay? Mercedes has just told me what happened? Finn and I were wondering why you hadn't come round. Kurt? Can you hear me?"

"Rachel, you need to come to Kurt's apartment now. I'll leave the key on top of the door frame as I leave. Take him back to your home and keep him there for a few days." I said quickly.

"What? Who is this? Is Kurt hurt? Who is this?" She questioned her voice showing her panic.

"Rachel, just get here as soon as you can."

"Blaine?" I hung up and put the phone on the counter top. That was it, I was done.

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><p><strong>So that's that...<strong>

**In all honesty there is parts of this I don't like and parts I love. **

**I hope you liked it and I will try and update soon (it's the Christmas Holiday's now so It should be updated in a few weeks, fingers crossed) **

**Thankyou to my two Beta's you guys are awesome x) **

**Love to you all, thankyou for the favourites and story updates, I seriously don't deserve it. **

**See you soon. **

**Love to you all and a Merry Christmas. x)**


	3. Chapter 3: Catch me

**A/N: Hey there, long time no see. **

**Here it is the next chapter, I think it's my favourite one.  
>Warning guys it's full of angst and a little bit of fluff.<strong>

**I'll let you read now...enjoy.**

**Thanks to my beta, You are awesome x**

* * *

><p>Chapter 3: Catch me<p>

**Kurt POV**

"Kurt," I didn't look up. "Kurt?" I focussed intently on my drawing, moving my pencil carefully as I sketched a new addition to my winter collection. "Kurt please will you listen to me?" I finally looked up and saw Rachel leaning over me, anger written all over her face.

"Yes Rachel?" I spat. She winced away from my harsh tone and sat in the chair opposite me.

"Kurt, you need to go home and rest!" She said quietly. I stared at her, I could tell she was worried as was Finn and the others, but I needed to be alone; I needed space.

"No, I don't." I said simply and picking up my sketch pad and continuing drawing. I heard her sigh.

"Kurt, you can't live like this! It's unhealthy. You haven't been to your house in a week. Your work colleagues are saying all sorts of things, how you are sleeping here in your office and putting all your effort into your new line,"

"I need to get this finished before-

"No Kurt you don't! You can hire people to do that! You need to take responsibility for your actions and sort this mess out!" I glared at her, it was the first time she had actually shouted at me. She held eye contact until I looked away.

"I can't go back, everything reminds me of Avan and I just miss him so much!" I whispered.

"If you miss him so much then why the hell did you invite Blaine over when you knew Avan was coming home," I didn't answer. I had no explanation for her, for my dad, for Mercedes. I sighed at held my head in my hands.

"You need to find Avan and sort this out!" Rachel said standing up. "And please go home, its 11:30." She made to walk out the room.

"Rachel I do love Avan," I said quietly. She sighed and turned around looking at me with sad eyes.

"I'm not the one who needs convincing though Kurt," She kissed my head before leaving the room.

**Blaine POV**

I slipped my shoes off and followed Kurt inside. He walked through his apartment, putting his keys and phone on the coffee table, and walked into the Kitchen. The apartment screamed Kurt. It was spacious and modern, yet it felt so homey and cosy I just wanted to cuddle on the couch in front of the fire place with hot chocolate and listen to love songs until my ears bleed. I smiled at the thought before I heard a small cough from behind me. Kurt was standing in the kitchen staring at me.

"Would you like a drink?" He asked me politely.

"Coffee will be great thank you," He nodded and started to make my drink. I watched him shuffle around the kitchen, opening cupboards and closing draws. It reminded me of all the dreams I had when I was at college when we were still in love. I would imagine coming home from work and walk into the kitchen seeing Kurt at the sink or preparing food. I would go up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him softly on the cheek. He would laugh and place his hands on top of mine and I would place my chin on his shoulder and ask him how his day was. He would then turn and face me kissing me deeply and wrapping his arms around my neck. It was all so perfect and at the time I had no reason to believe we would be any different. I hated how wrong I was.

"So, what's going on in your life?" Kurt asked me. I glanced up at him and saw him looking at me patiently.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Oh you know what I mean," He said pouring my coffee. I smiled at the normality of situation.

"Well, I got a job as a Lawyer," I started sitting on the stall opposite him. He smiled, "I knew you would get there eventually."

"Thank you. What about you?" I asked him taking my mug from the counter as I watched him lean against the work surface.

"I'm a fashion Designer," He said simply. I smiled as he heard the pride in his voice. "What?" He asked when he saw my grin.

"Oh nothing, I just always knew you would do something you loved. You would achieve your dreams. It's just who you are." He nodded a slight frown appearing on his face and walked into the living room. Both of us fell silent, both of us alone with our thoughts. It was becoming unbearable.

"So what's the deal with you and Avan?" I asked quickly. I cringed at how forward my question was. Kurt's infamous bitch face had returned. "I'm sorry...I never...I mean...it's none of my business...shit I am sorry...I just...-

"Blaine...Blaine! Stop! It's fine honestly, you asked a perfectly reasonable question and I did say we should talk so..." He sat down on the couch and crossed his legs obviously waiting for me to sit next to him. I slipped off the stool and joined him on the couch.

"We meet at a bar about a year after we broke up; this was just as his band was starting to become famous. To put it lightly I was an asshole, I didn't trust anyone and it was literally the first time I had had a night out since it happened. I remember he asked for my number and then phoned me when I got home to ask me to dinner the next day. I was so taken back and of course I don't just say yes straight so I ignored his calls. He always tells people that I was playing hard to get, but honestly I didn't want to date anyone, I couldn't face all the unwanted memories. I just didn't think I would be up to go through all the motions again. I was just so tired." He was silent for a minute as he closed his eyes. Part of me didn't want to listen to what he was saying because it was my fault, the other half was glad I was here and we were speaking to each other again. It was this half that was stopping the tears from running down my face.

"Anyway I eventually agreed to go out on a date with him, it took him about 4 weeks but I realised that if he was being that persistent then I should give him a chance. He took me out for dinner and it was the best night I had had for a long time, I literally think it was the first time I had smiled and laughed in a year." He sighed and sipped his coffee. "I think it took me about a year and a half to tell him I loved him." He laughed gently. "He said it to me after a month, talk about persistence right?" He shrugged. "I don't know I must have found him endearing or something." He smiled and turned to face me. "What about you, anyone on the scene? Did anything happen with you and _him_?" There was so much hatred and disgust in his beautiful voice. It didn't belong there.

"I…erm…no," I stuttered feeling vulnerable under his judging gaze. "Nothing happened after with him after that." I saw his body stiffen and he turned his eyes away. "Kurt…I…It didn't mean anything." I said quickly. He didn't answer; we sat in silence for a few moments before I continued. "There were others after, to answer your question." He turned and faced me, his expression unreadable. "I…erm…was a bit of a mess after we broke up. The few months after were a bit of a blur, to put it lightly." He stiffened and looked at me intently. "I met someone, Chad. He was very 'free spirited' shall we say. I don't really want to go into much detail, but if it wasn't for Mason telling me to get my shit together I wouldn't be where I am today." Kurt coughed awkwardly and folded his legs underneath him. "Then there was a few others, the longest was Chad though, everyone else last 2-3 months."

"Oh…" Kurt said simply.

"I looked for you Kurt, but you just disappeared! The last time I saw you was on that night. You wouldn't answer my calls. You refused to answer the door when I came to Rachel's house every single time. I just needed to explain, why wouldn't you let me explain?" I half shouted. He looked shocked from my sudden outburst, but stayed relatively calm. I felt guilty for raising my voice but all my anger was building up inside me. It was remembering Chad and everything that I had gone through; I hated reminiscing on my past. I was a mess. "I was just so alone…no one would speak to me; none of my friends, my own Brother wouldn't even speak to me for about a month after. I was going crazy; I needed to speak to you Kurt. The one person I trusted most in the world. The one person I loved the most and you turned around and left." I found myself standing up facing him. I turned around running my hands through my hair. I was so frustrated, at Kurt, at my friends, at my life. Even trying to fix things between with Kurt was proving difficult.

"I had to leave Blaine." Kurt said quietly.

"No you never. You could've stayed; we could've at least talked about what happened. But you didn't-

"I WAS SCARED BLAINE," Kurt yelled. I turned around and looked at him, anger written across his face.

"Why?" I asked quietly.

"Because I was so fucking angry at you! I hated you more than I had hated anyone in my whole life, but god I loved you so much as well. I wanted to hit you and scream at you but I wanted to kiss you and hold you as well. I was scared that if I saw you I would do something I would regret. Blaine I trusted you with my whole life and just like that you ruined it. YOU RUINED ME!" Kurt was crying, he wiped his tears away and walked to the window. Tears were falling freely down my own face now. I gulped and hastily wiped them away. The Kurt I knew would never hate anyone. He went through his whole life being treated like shit because of who he was and yet he never hated them. Yet I had made him hate me. It was nothing more than I deserved.

"Kurt…I'm so sorry." I whispered trying to hold back the sob that was threatening to escape. He sighed and turned to face me.

"I know you are." He sighed. "I just…I just don't understand…why…why you did it? I just don't understand how we went from being completely in love to you…to you…fucking another guy." He said. I flinched at his words.

"Kurt…it wasn't just me remember, he was always out to get us," He rolled his eyes in such a Kurt like manor. I smiled. "Hear me out…you wanted to talk, you want to know what happened, I'm ready to explain."

**Kurt POV**

It was just gone midnight when I left my office. I drew my coat around my shoulders and began walking home. It pained me to think it, but Rachel had been right. I hadn't been home in a week. My back was killing me from sleeping on the couch in my office and I was starting to feel like a nuisance at Rachel and Finn's house. I knew it was going to be painful but I needed to sort out this mess. I had no reason to why I had invited Blaine back to my apartment that day. Part of me, the rational part of me, thought it was because I wanted to hear him out, hear what he had to say, hear his excuses. The irrational part of me knew it was because I wanted to speak to him again, be with him again.

I sighed and shook the stupid thoughts from my mind. I was being idiotic. Like Rachel and Mercedes had said Blaine was and is my past. He broke my heart and no matter how much I tried to forget it, the pain I had felt will always be there. The scars from our relationship were quite visible to see on my relationship with Avan and I hated him for that. But I don't hate him, I just hate what he did and the effect it had on my life. I don't think I could ever hate Blaine.

I opened the door to my apartment, trying to clear the confusing thoughts from my mind. The door opened and I walked inside throwing my keys, wallet and phone onto the table. The apartment was cold and dark. I tried to push all thoughts of Avan and Blaine from my mind as I walked through the rooms turning on every light. I just needed to take action, if I was forceful in the mind, I could be forceful on my life. _Oh god, now I sounded like a bad motivational speaker_, I cringed. I came to my bedroom last and switched on the light; my eyes lingered on the figure that sat on my bed.

I screamed.

His head turned and shock was written on his face.

"Kurt, seriously you scared the shit out of me." Avan said standing up walking over to me. I took a deep breath and tried to get my heartbeat back to a normal rate.

"I scared you; I thought you were a murderer or something. What the hell? Why were you sitting in darkness? Where the hell have you been? I've been phoning you for the past 7 days trying to speak some sense to you. What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you freak out last week? What are you doing here?" I gulped and stopped speaking.

"Whoa! Kurt one question at a time," He said quickly. I looked at his face he was tired and looked a lot older. I was suddenly so overcome with emotions I sank onto the bed and put my head in my hands. I heard him sigh and felt the bed move as he sat beside me.

"Kurt…we have to talk."

**Blaine POV**

He looked at me expectantly. I gulped and sat on the edge of the couch, taking a few deep breaths I turned at looked at him.

"Kurt I just want you to know that I loved you so much, I never meant for you to get hurt, I never meant for any of this to happen." I stopped, deciding my next words carefully.

"Go on." Kurt said quietly. He sat by me and waited.

"Aubrey Smith wanted to break us up ever since he first met us." I started. I saw Kurt flinch at his name. "But this isn't about him, so I want go into details." Kurt frowned, but I continued. "I want to sit here and tell you that I was so pissed out of my mind that I had no idea what was going on, I really do, but I sobered up half way between stepping into the dorm and ending up on the bed." I wasn't holding back, it wasn't the time to lie, Kurt needed to know. "About half way through the party he came up to me and started swearing at me saying how he was so pissed at you because you got the internship and he didn't. He kept saying that he wanted revenge, you ruined his life, and he was going to ruin yours. He saw me as an easy target because I got jealous of any guy who made moves on you. Obviously I told him where to go and went looking for you. I seriously couldn't find you anywhere and after about half an hour I found myself drinking shots on the couch with a load of people I didn't even know and once again he was there." I could see it all so vividly, drunken people clambering over each other their glasses empty, reaching out for the next shots, girls draping themselves over me and trying to grope me. I could still smell the drugs and the alcohol on their breaths.

"It got out of hand quickly, I just wanted to get out of the party, find you and go home, but I had no escape. He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the group of people and practically half dragged me through the crowd. I managed to break free from him and ran out of the back door. I was getting so worried about you Kurt, I couldn't find you anywhere and I knew that you didn't even want to go to the stupid party in the first place. I moved back in the house and that's when I saw you, sitting on the counter in the kitchen with two guys who were practically sucking on your neck. I wanted to pull you away from them and hit those guys within an inch of their lives. You have no idea how pissed I was." I looked at Kurt's face; Shock written all over his expression. I gulped and pushed away my tears before continuing. "I was just about to shout your name when one of the guys whispered something in your ear and you giggled. I flipped out and turned around as if to go home but someone stopped me…he stopped me and the rest was…well you know the rest." I sighed and sat back into the couch and waited for him to speak.

"Blaine…I…" He started.

"Kurt…you don't need to say anything, you didn't doing anything wrong. I knew how flirty you got when you were drunk but I decided to ignore all rationality and carry on with it anyway." I closed my eyes and we sat in silence for a moment while my words hit us both. "All I kept thinking about was how he was nothing like you. How you kissed better, how you would hold me with so much love, how beautiful you were. I think about half way through my body just shut down and had no idea what was going on, I was in shock. All I wanted was to run and hold you and kiss you and be with you, but I knew I had destroyed everything we had in one breath. I knew I had to find you and tell you what I had done, what I was doing and beg for your forgiveness. And just like that I heard your sweet voice call out to me and I felt my whole world collapse. I knew it was over."

"Please…Please don't…" Kurt said quietly. I looked at him and tears were now flowing freely down his beautiful face.

"I have to Kurt." I said tears running down my own cheeks. "This was never your fault Kurt. I screwed up and I deserve the heart break and the pain not you. I want you to be happy and be in love. It was selfish of me to play at your party but I just had to see you again Kurt." I moved closer to him and suddenly our faces were inches apart. He closed his eyes and I could feel his breath on my cheeks. "Kurt, look at me." I whispered, not daring to raise my voice. He opened his eyes and I brought my hand up to rest on his cheek.

"I know." He closed his eyes once again and pulled away from me. He moved to the other end of the couch and tucked his legs underneath him looking away but at me. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and stood up.

"I think I should leave," His head moved quickly to look at me. "Come on Kurt we both know that this isn't going to do us any good." I said opening my arms wide and looking at his bright eyes. Every part of me wanted to stay and be in Kurt's company but once again here I was running away from my emotions, removing myself from a situation that would let me open myself completely.

"Blaine you don't have to go yet. Regardless of everything that happened you were my best friend for seven years," He said smiling slightly. He stood up and walked past me. "I think we need another coffee and a tissue." I turned and watched him move into the kitchen. The tension was still there; our past still needed to be dealt with. Kurt still hadn't forgiven me, I still hadn't forgiven myself and there were still parts to the story that hadn't been mentioned, but right now I couldn't help but smile.

He turned around and faced me, looking at a jar of coffee in his hands. "Looks like I'm all out of normal coffee but there is this organic thing that Avan's publicist likes to drink so we could give that a try or we could- What are you smiling at?" He said his eyes widening. I blushed and looked at the ground. "Blaine?" He sounded worried.

"It's nothing to worry about Kurt," I looked up and saw his shoulders relax.

"What then?" He put one hand on his hip in a very Kurt like fashion.

"It's just always how I imagined you would be, moving around our house and being the perfect host." _Dam, _I slipped up_._ His face fell.

"You thought about our future." He asked softly tilting his head to one side to look at me.

"I…Kurt...No…I mean…Yes of course, I gave you the promise ring didn't I?" I saw the corner of his mouth twitch as if going to smile. "I always wanted to be with you, when I gave you that ring I couldn't imagine what life would be like without you. Every time I thought about losing you my heart would ache." I gulped and brought my hands to my face, hiding my tears from him. "Oh god, I messed up completely." Sobs were escaping through my lips, "I came here hoping you…you would forgive…forgive me…me, h-hoping you would lo..love me again. I'm…so…so selfish. My friends hate me, my father hated me, you hate…hate me. I hate what I have become Kurt, I hate that I hurt the person I loved so much." It felt as though all the emotions I had been holding in for the past 4 years burst out of me. I felt my legs give way and waited for the long fall to the ground, but his arms caught me. He pulled me into his body and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I cried into his shoulder. I cried for Kurt, I cried for my father, I cried for the shit Chad put me through, I cried for myself.

I was falling so hard and so fast and yet he was there to catch me. I had so many regrets in my life, my biggest; letting him go.

**Avan POV**

I could remember the first day I met Kurt so clearly. I remember walking into the bar wishing I could be anywhere but there. I had had a long week with the band trying to plug our new single on what felt like every radio station in the world. By the end of the week our sales had gone up dramatically and we were sneaking into the top ten in America and most of Europe. The hard work had paid of and so the rest of the band thought it was time to celebrate i.e. drinking ourselves to an early grave at our favourite bar, _The Resurrection._

I was so tired. All I wanted to do was go home and watch mind numbing TV and have some peace and quiet, but there wasn't a chance in hell that was going to happen. The 6 of us, Myself, Kevin the lead guitarist, John-Paul the drummer, Carmichael the bass guitarist, Harry the pianist and our manager Sally Johnson, arrived at the bar just gone 9:30. There was an open mic night which we just felt the need to abuse. The best surprise coming from our manager who did a very…different version of Adele's Rolling in the deep which, even now, we never let her live it down.

At about eleven the bar started to get busier and I found myself at the bar once again buying another round of drinks. This was the first time I saw Kurt, I swear I felt my heart stop. He was sitting at the other end of the bar staring at his drink, an apple martini. He was with a group of people, a really tall guy, a short girl who looked as though she was talking everyone's ear off, a black girl who I remembered had killed Whitney Huston's 'I Will Always Love You' earlier in the evening, and a small friendly looking guy who looked the most out of his comfort zone (I later learned that these people where Finn, Rachel, Mercedes and Nick). I watched Kurt for a moment longer, he never acknowledged his friends, and he looked completely bored and uninterested in what was going on around him. I just knew I had to speak to him. I called the bar tender over who I knew well.

"Frankie," I yelled over the noise of the crowd. The bar tender smiled and walked over to me.

"Avan, how are you? Haven't seen you guys here in a while, thought you forgot all about this little place in your quest for stardom." He laughed at his own joke before making my drinks.

"Never, even when we become millionaires we will still come here and drink one of your famous 'Frankie Goes to Hollywood' cocktails." He threw me a dirty look.

"Hey that was one time and I didn't know that person was allergic to nuts." He placed my drinks on the tray in front of me.

"Yeah, yeah, sure" I shook my head and laughed, "Anyway I was wondering if you could tell me what that sorry looking fellow is drinking down there," I nodded towards Kurt. Frankie turned around and smiled.

"Ah…If I told you that I would have to kill you," He winked at me before going to walk away.

"Ah come on, if it wasn't for me you would never have got Kat, Romina, Sammy, Katie, Leanne…" I counted the girls off as I spoke.

"Okay, Okay. Apple Martini…you want me to put one on your tab."

I grabbed the tray and walked from the bar. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Frankie give Kurt his drink. He received it and looked around confusion written on his face, his eyebrows drawn into a frown. I saw Rachel say something to him, but he just shook his head and continued to look at his drink. I remember hating seeing him look so sad and I just knew that I would do what ever it took to get him to smile. I excused myself from my friends and made my way over to him. He didn't look up when I took the stool next to him. I thought for a second before saying something.

"You know, no matter how hard you concentrate that drink is never going to turn into a million dollars." I smiled as he looked up at me. I saw the corner of his mouth move slightly as if going to smile but just shook his head and got up from his seat.

"Thank you for the drink," He called from over his shoulder. I was frozen to the spot; it was very rare if I got rejected. I just remember trying to process what had happened, but all I kept thinking about was his eyes and how beautiful he was. A voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"His name is Kurt and I think you're doing well, the other two guys didn't even get a thank you," I looked up and saw Mercedes and the other three smiling at me.

"Kurt," I said to myself. I smiled and picked up my drink before following him. "Thank you," I said to Mercedes as I walked past. He was sitting at a table in the corner by himself. He sighed as I took the seat opposite him.

"What did they say to you?" He said his voice tense and not nearly as beautiful as I later found out.

"That your name is Kurt and you are already in love with me." He raised his eyebrows. "Okay they didn't say that, but they did say your name is Kurt," He nodded before taking a sip of his drink.

"Do you have a name?" He asked.

"Would you believe me if I said I was called Justin Time," He choked on his drink before laughing. I remember that it was the first thing I loved about him. His laugh, the way it sounded to my ears, the way it made my heart flutter.

"You have a beautiful laugh," I whispered before I could stop myself. A blush crept across his face and he dropped my eye contact. "Avan, Avan Lovett," I held out my hand. He looked at me for a moment before accepting my hand.

"Kurt Hummel,"

I knew from that moment that I would love him more than anything else in the world. I would do anything for him, and he knew that. I gave him everything I could.

I sat up and wiped my eyes. I looked around the unfamiliar room. The light from the streets was seeping through the curtains and fell onto the bed throwing light onto the figure that lay beside me. His naked back exposed and I could see the gentle rise of his body as he breathed. My head was banging, my eyes shut tightly in pain. What had I done?

**Kurt POV**

Lying in bed wrapped up in his arms, I couldn't help but feel content and at peace with the world. Regardless of everything that had happened I knew Avan loved me and would never hurt me. I drew the covers up further around our bodies and leaned on my hand to look at him. I brought my finger tips to his naked back and gently drew the outline of patterns on his skin. I watched my hands as they trailed lower into the small of his back and then up again to his shoulders and neck. I saw him smile in his sleep and he breathed deeply. He was beautiful and he was mine.

"You really want to go again?" He asked me, I jumped so violently he had to hold my waist so I didn't fall off the bed.

"You could've told me you were awake," I replied back removing myself from his grip.

"Aw Kurtie come back, I was only playing," He reached out for me and I allowed myself to be pulled in.

"You think you're such a smart-ass," I teased.

"No, I know I am," He closed his eyes once again and remained silent. "Besides you were not complaining about my ass 2 hours ago." I hit him over the head with my pillow. He laughed and held onto my tighter as I tried to wriggle away.

"Why can't you just sleep and be all peacefully and quiet after sex, it's like you have to have the highlight show a few hours later," I said frowning into the darkness.

"Hmm…I like making you blush…even after all this time," He breathed into my ear. I felt my cheeks burning again. "Talk later…sleep now. Love you Kurt,"

"Love you to," I whispered. I closed my eyes and a few minutes later Avan's light snores filled the room. I opened my eyes and lay on my back looking at the ceiling trying to get my head around the past five hours.

When I returned home and found Avan sitting on our bed, relief washed over me. He was home, that was all that mattered. I knew he would want to talk and I was okay with that, it was time knew everything. After I had gotten over the shock of seeing him, he pulled me to the bed and we lay down together. I missed him so much. I was used to not seeing him for weeks at a time when he was on tour, but even then we spoke every day on the phone and at least I knew where he was. This time it was different, I had no idea where he was and for once it was my fault he was gone.

As we lay there I thought he was going to start asking me all kinds of things but instead he just kissed me and said it could wait until the morning. It felt so good to be so close to him again, to love him again. I knew our conversation would have to happen some time, if in the morning or in a few months, I was ready for him to love every single part of me. My relationship with Blaine had at least taught me that you never give up fighting for what you love; I didn't want to make that mistake again.

My heart leaped at the mention of his name. I pinched the bridge of my nose and slowly got out of bed trying not to wake Avan.

_Blaine _

I walked into the bathroom and washed my face. Sitting on the edge of the bath, I sighed deeply. Last week reminded me how much I missed him; his goofy smile and his charming manners. Holding him in my arms as he broke down in front of me reminded me of how many times he had done this for me. How many times he had been there to catch me. He cried himself to sleep in my arms and I hated knowing that I had caused part of that.

His revelation of the night it happened made my heart hurt. My insane ability to not control my drink forced him into the arms of another. Even though he denied it, I was as much as to blame for destroying our relationship. I kicked myself mentally, _No Kurt he was the one who had sex with someone else, the same person he had trust issues about in the first place._

I rubbed my face with my hands and sighed. It was a mess; Blaine had sorted me out after Avan had left. He called Rachel and told her to come and get me. He still cared. I hated that he still cared. It was a mistake bringing him back to the apartment, but it just felt so…right being in his company again. In truth, I missed him…so much.

I felt a single tear run down my cheek. I brought my hand up to wipe it away, much like he had done last week. He was so close; I could smell the sweet scent of his breath on my face. I kept my eyes closed, knowing I would hate myself if I had opened them.

_Kurt, look at me._

His hazel eyes met mine and all I wanted to do in that moment was kiss him. I wanted to be close to him, to hold him, to love him.

I loved Avan, Avan loved me. We were getting married. He would never do anything to hurt me, I was certain. That was that.

**Avan POV**

I hated him. That was it. When I first saw him lying on my couch it took all I had not to beat him with an inch of his life. What the hell was he doing here? What the hell was Kurt thinking? He didn't even have the decency to get rid of him before I returned. I trusted Kurt, but all I kept thinking about was how they could've had sex, especially if there were still feelings. Kurt was always so upfront with his emotions and he was a hopeless romantic, if he still loved him then of course something was going to happen. Did I think Kurt would cheat on me? I had no idea. If you had asked me that a week ago I would say no, never in a million years. Now, I'm not so sure…there was so much I didn't know about him; it was almost like he was a stranger. He wasn't my Kurt anymore.

I pushed all the angry thoughts from my head. God, I needed a drink. Anger pulsed through me as I walked away from my apartment, away from Kurt. I rejected my accusation towards Kurt as soon as I had said it, but his hesitation and shifting eyes flipped me over the edge. I was so angry as him, all I wanted was the truth, all I wanted was him.

I found myself at a bar at a nightclub a few blocks from mine and Kurt's apartment. I paid my entrance before going in. The loud music and hundreds of sweaty bodies pushing against me drew my mind away from Kurt. I pushed my way to the bar ordering a drink before taking my place at one of the stalls; I knew I would be there for a while. I was embarrassed at my actions, drinking was never an escape. But after my seventh drink, I couldn't care less. That was when he came.

"Broken heart?" He said, shouting so I would hear him over the music. I looked to my left and his clear blue eyes meet mine.

"Something like that…" I replied looking down at my now nearly empty drink.

"Ah she's a stupid girl to let you go then," I turned at looked at him. He was tall, lean and easy on the eye. His blonde hair came just past his eyes and his blue eyes sparkled in the lights. I scoffed, he was gay and he knew I was to.

"Yeah…sure," I downed the last bit of my drink before trying to get the bar tenders attention.

"Here, I'll get that for you," He smiled at me and ordered me another drink. "There you go." I received his drink practically drinking half of it straight away. I smacked my lips at him before turning away from his pathetic attempts of flirting. "Playing hard to get I take it. Okay how about we play a game." The now, irrational drunken side of me listened closely and turned to face him again. "We order shots, and after everyone we do we get to ask the other person a question and the other person has to answer." I really wanted to say no. My mind was screaming at me to say no, knowing it was only going to end badly. _No, no, no, no. _

"Yes, okay," _No._ He smiled slyly and ordered a round of shots.

"I'll go first," He drank one quickly, "What's your name?" I replied and saw his expression change, he knew who I was…he just wanted confirmation. I took my turn and asked the same question.

"Aubrey, Aubrey Smith,"

**Blaine POV**

I always loved to travel. It was as if, for certain amount of time, all you had to worry about was what departure gate you had to be at or what time your train was at. How much clothes you had to bring, how much money you were going to spend. When you travel you get to see places that will never mean anything to you. Places that you just pass by and for a moment you will wonder what it's like there for where doe that road go, before you have moved on; a pinprick in a long journey.

When I arrived home from Kurt's house I was exhausted. The past 2 days had been nothing more than emotional strain and for once I was giving into my emotions and allowing them to consume me. It was 11 o'clock when I finally stumbled through the door. It was an hour's walk from Kurt's apartment to my own. I could've got the train or else a cab, but I didn't want any human interaction. I wanted to be alone, if only for an hour. Alex was waiting for me in the living room when I arrived home. He took one look at my face before pulling me into a hug and moving me onto the couch. We didn't speak for while, he made me a sandwich I didn't eat. A coffee I let go cold. I knew it wouldn't be long before he asked me where I went.

"For a run," I answered.

"For nearly 10 hours?"

"A long run,"

"Blaine?" I turned to him, his expression was desperate. I owed him answers, of course I did. Problem was I didn't have them.

"I need to get out of here," I said after a minute.

"You've just got home," He said his eyes widening.

"No. I need to get out of here, I need to breathe," I slumped back into the couch. "I'm going to see my Brother. I haven't seen him in 2 years," I decided.

"Blaine you can't run away from this," Alex reasoned.

"I'm not running, I'm moving on." I answered. My walk had made me see things more clearly. If I remained in New York with all the little reminders of Kurt around me, like I had been doing for the past 4 years, I was never going to move on. "I might look at some places whilst I'm over there. Start again."

"Blaine, you can't just pack up just like that. You can't move to the other side of the world." Alex replied, I sighed. I knew he was going to react like this.

"I can and I will. I have my inheritance from my dad and trust me there is more than enough in there to move country. I have my savings and Jimmy has already mentioned that they need more people in London." I had my plan already mapped out. Alex wasn't going to persuade me, not this time. "I'm going to visit my brother for a month, I don't know I'll take compassionate leave for grief or something, Jim will understand." Alex was silent.

"Do you really need to do this?" He asked me.

"Yes, I do." He nodded and walked from the room.

That's how I found myself here. Looking out of the window at the vast ocean below me, wondering what lay ahead. I hoped I was leaving a chapter of my life behind. I hoped the meeting I had with Kurt was for closure like Alex had told me in the first place. I hoped I was doing the right thing.

Leaving New York, leaving my friends is a difficult thing to comprehend. But I felt like had out lived my time there. New York was always Kurt's dream, Kurt was my dream. It was over, I needed to start my life again.

**Avan POV**

Guilt is a hard thing to understand. The morning after the night before is always awkward. After the alcohol has worn off you get to see the other person for what they are. When I woke up that morning, I thought it was a dream. I thought I would be at home with Kurt curled up beside me. It wasn't, it actually happened. I felt the bed move and turned to see him smiling down at me. He had put a shirt on and his lower half was covered, it just brought to my attention how naked I actually was. I felt myself blush.

"Hey, no need for embarrassment, not after last night." He winked and held out a mug. "Coffee?" I started at the cup, "it isn't poisoned, promise," I sat up slowly bringing the covers with me. I accepted the cup and sipped the hot liquid. "How's your head?" he asked picking up a newspaper from his nightstand. I thought about it for a moment.

"It's not as bad as it should be," I said quietly. He glanced at me.

"Why do you look so shocked? Come on it wasn't that bad?" He asked me. I shook my head and didn't answer.

"Oh my god, you're not gay are you?" His eyes widened and I through him a dirty look, "Oh come on it has happened before, let me tell you that was the worst sex I have ever had. Never again," I said quiet. I could feel in eyes burning into the back of my head. "What is it then? Besides having sex with a complete stranger," I flinched, "You're in a relationship," He said simply.

"We're getting married," I hung my head in shame. "Oh god, what have I done?" The reality suddenly hit. I had cheated on Kurt. I had had sex with someone else; I had done exactly what I accused Kurt of. I could feel vomit rising in my throat. I ran from the bedroom and quickly looked for the bathroom. Getting there just in time I threw up into the toilet. He came running in not long after.

"Oh god, I thought you hadn't made it in time." I glanced up and he just shrugged and walked away. "Close the door on your way out." The tears started streaming down my face. I had screwed up, completely.

Half an hour later, I found myself in a hotel room as far away from Kurt as I could. I couldn't believe what I had done. Everything was such a mess. I thought about everything that had happened, god my head hurt. I couldn't even think about Kurt without breaking down in tears. I was so confused, I wanted to tell him everything and beg for his forgiveness, but I didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. I didn't want to hurt him like that. I couldn't hurt him. I was left with no other option but to keep it a secret. It was just a mistake. It didn't mean anything and besides Kurt had been keeping a lot of things from me for the past 3 years.

I wouldn't go home yet, I couldn't. For Kurt's sake.

* * *

><p><strong>So how was it? <strong>

**I hoped you liked it. I love where this story is going so many lovely plot bunnies running around in my head. **

**I have like detailed notes now so I'm a lot more organised, the next chapter should be up soon. **

**Please review, whether good or bad, reviews are always a good way to speak to your audience, I would love to speak to you guys. You are so awesome. **

**Anyway happy Valentines day love you all. **

**Jadeannkneeky x**


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